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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25795423">Here Comes the Honesty</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiranerys42/pseuds/kiranerys42'>kiranerys42</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Schitt's Creek</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(but it's mostly canon compliant), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Queer Themes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:40:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,620</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25795423</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiranerys42/pseuds/kiranerys42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if David knew that Patrick wasn't out to his parents? And then, what if "Meet the Parents" still happened?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Patrick Brewer/David Rose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>180</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>295</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wrote most of this fic earlier this year, and then the whole world kind of fell apart, and I didn't look at it for nearly 3 months.</p>
<p>Anyway. The world's still a mess, but I figured it's time to share this with the world instead of letting it languish in gdocs indefinitely. </p>
<p>A huge thank you to everyone who provided cheerleading and headpats while I was in the process of writing this (there are a lot of you), but especially to this-is-not-nothing and whetherwoman. </p>
<p>I don't have a posting schedule, exactly, but this isn't a WIP; it's complete, just ... in need of some final edits. I plan on updating every few days.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's an ordinary Thursday at Rose Apothecary, and David is starting to think things have finally calmed down. For a few days after David offered his ‘olive branch’ to Patrick, things between them were somehow both slightly awkward and intensely passionate at the same time. David never knew it was possible to feel at peace with such a tumultuous mix of feelings, all because he got to experience those feelings along with someone he—well, with Patrick. With someone he cared about. But it didn’t take long for them to fall back into their routine: Patrick opens the store, and David closes; date nights happen at least once a week, usually on Fridays (movie night at Ray’s) or Mondays (their day off).</p>
<p>This particular Thursday isn’t a busy day, but it’s not completely dead, either. Patrick’s in back helping a customer who wanted to buy some of their more <em>discreet</em> items, like sponges and toilet plungers, and insisted she needed to see the wares for herself. David’s just about to go check in on them when the phone rings. </p>
<p>“Hello, this is Rose Apothecary, how can I help you?”</p>
<p>“Oh—oh! Hello! Is Patrick there?”</p>
<p>“Patrick’s actually with a customer right now; this is David—I’m sure I can help you with whatever you need. Or I can have him call you back later, if you really need to speak to him.”</p>
<p>“Oh, no, there’s no need for that, I just—I’ve been trying to call him, you see, but he keeps missing my calls, and I thought maybe I’d catch him at work, but—I’m sure you two are very busy, I wouldn’t want to take up <em>too</em> much of your time—”</p>
<p>David has no idea who this person is, or why she’s trying to reach Patrick at the store when it sounds like she has his cell phone number. And he’s really not ready for more surprises from Patrick’s past, so he hopes that’s not what this is. </p>
<p>“It’s not a problem. I’ll let him know to call you back." He tries to keep his voice even. "May I ask who’s calling?”</p>
<p>“Oh, you <em>really</em> don’t have to do that, it would just embarrass him; Patrick doesn’t need to know his mom is trying to reach him at work.” A rush of adrenaline runs through David as Mrs. Brewer laughs sheepishly. He’s never spoken to Patrick’s parents, and he doesn’t know anything about them. He also doesn’t know what they know about <em>him</em>; considering what happened with Rachel, he wonders whether Patrick has told them about—“Anyway,” Mrs. Brewer says, interrupting David’s train of thought. “I actually <em>do</em> have a real reason for calling. I was wondering, what are your store hours?”</p>
<p>“Nine to five, Tuesday through Sunday,” David says automatically. “Are you—um—are you planning a visit?” David tries to keep his voice even, but it still creeps up dangerously high at the end of his question. </p>
<p>“No, unfortunately I don’t think Clint can get away from work, but—my friend Stacy, she’s going to be driving out that way next month, and she said she <em>might</em> be able to stop by Schitt’s Creek on her way back, so I’m hoping to ask her to bring me a few things. Just some little souvenirs, you know, so Clint and I can see what sorts of things you’re selling, although—we’ve seen it all on Instagram; I made an account especially for it, Stacy’s daughter helped me set it up. You should really have a Facebook page, too, you know, it’s important to diversify—well. You don’t need <em>me</em> telling you how to run your business, I’m sure you know what you’re doing, considering who your father is, and with Patrick there—we were so worried he’d never get to put his business degree to use, and we’re just so happy he’s finally—well.” Mrs. Brewer finally stops to catch her breath, and David takes the chance to jump in. He’s worried that if she gets going again, he might be on the phone all day. </p>
<p>“Well, I was never really involved with Rose Video—um, with my dad’s business, I mean. So this is—well—it’s new to me, and obviously it’s been a learning process. Not that I’m—I know what I’m doing,” David insists, “but Patrick has been a huge help. I’m very lucky to have him.” David winces, hoping that didn’t come across as unprofessional.</p>
<p>“That’s so nice to hear, we’re—Clint and I, we’re so proud of him, of both of you.” Now David’s confused; he doesn’t even <em>know</em> this woman, so why is she <em>proud</em> of him? “We’d love to visit some day.”</p>
<p>“That would be lovely,” David says politely. “Um—Patrick’s still with that customer, I should probably go check on them, actually. I can put you on hold, I think, I’m just not sure which button—”</p>
<p>Just then, Patrick and the customer finally emerge from the back room. Both of them are carrying an armful of horrible no-good incorrect items Patrick insists they <em>have</em> to keep in stock, including not one, but <em>two</em> plungers, and David has to suppress a shudder.</p>
<p>“Oh, no, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you,” Marcy says. “I’ll just call him later tonight. You close at 5, right?”</p>
<p>“Mmhm, but he usually leaves at 4. It was nice to meet you, Mrs. Brewer. Or—um—you know. Talk to you. On the phone.” David cringes and wonders if he’s simply incapable of behaving normally when there’s a Brewer on the other end of the phone.</p>
<p>“Oh, you too, David! Talk to you later.”</p>
<p>“Bye.” David hangs up, and pointedly ignores the look of surprise Patrick is giving him. Instead, he turns to their customer and her excessive plungers. “Here, let me ring that up. Will that be all for you today? We also have some wonderful lip balms…”</p>
<p>Once the plunger woman has left, Patrick turns to David.</p>
<p>“When you said <em>Mrs. Brewer</em>, was that—”</p>
<p>“Mmhm, that was your mother. Or she could have been an imposter, I guess; I don’t actually know what your mother sounds like, but—”</p>
<p>“No, I’m sure it was her. What did she want?”</p>
<p>“Um, she was trying to reach you; she had some other questions, but I think it was just—you know, stuff. Nothing important.” David picks up a spare sponge the customer had decided not to buy and turns it over in his hands a few times before he comes to his senses and hastily sets it back down—who knows where that sponge has been. “I hope I didn’t overstep; it’s not like we have caller ID, and once I picked up I couldn’t exactly hang up on her—”</p>
<p>“Oh, no, no,” Patrick interrupts, “it’s fine, really. Honestly, I’ve been avoiding her calls, I probably shouldn’t have let it go on so long.”</p>
<p>David reaches for the sponge again, stops himself, and examines his rings.</p>
<p>“So, I’m assuming your parents don’t know about—”</p>
<p>“David, it’s not—”</p>
<p>“No, no, it’s fine; I just—”</p>
<p>They both stop talking at the same time, then Patrick continues.</p>
<p>“It’s—difficult. For me to talk to my parents. We don’t—I know they love me, of course, but we’ve never really—it’s not like that, with us. It was nearly impossible to tell them when I ended things with… I didn’t even tell them I was ending things, really. I just <em>left</em>. And then my mom was texting me every single day, asking me what was wrong; eventually she gave up on asking, but she still—it was implied. I knew they wanted answers, and I couldn’t give them, because—” Patrick breaks off, frustrated.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to tell me this, Patrick. You don’t owe me answers.”</p>
<p>“But I <em>do</em>,” Patrick says. “After—you know, what happened with Rachel, and everything, I think I owe you something, at least.”</p>
<p>David nods. Patrick said pretty much the same thing right after Rachel showed up at the barbecue, and David’s finally starting to believe that maybe he’s right. Last week, when David told Patrick he’d never been in this situation before, he didn’t just mean all those gifts Patrick gave him, he meant <em>everything</em>: trusting someone. Being in a relationship for longer than four months. Talking about their pasts, and—and their future. Acknowledging that they <em>have</em> a future together. It’s all new, to David, and he doesn’t know how any of it is supposed to work. </p>
<p>But David thinks he might be starting to understand how trust works. It isn’t just about letting yourself be vulnerable and hoping you don’t get hurt. It’s something you build, over time, and there can still be limits to it. David can trust Patrick, and still need Patrick to be honest with him. David’s allowed to ask for that. David <em>deserves</em> that. </p>
<p>“Alright,” David says. “I’m listening.”</p>
<p>Patrick takes a deep breath and begins. “Okay. Um. I want to—” He cuts off and scrubs a hand over his face. “Can we go sit down?”</p>
<p>A few minutes later, they’re settled in on the couch in the stockroom, the front door locked and the sign flipped to <em>closed</em>. David sits close to Patrick, but not too close, his hands clasped nervously in his lap. He glances over at Patrick, but Patrick is staring straight ahead, his eyes slightly red, but his face determined.</p>
<p>“I just—I feel bad that I haven’t told them yet, but I think I owe it to them to tell them in person. My parents, I mean. I want to, um, tell them I’m—tell them about you. And about us. But in person. That’s… that’s how you’re supposed to do it, right?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think there’s a <em>supposed to</em>, here,” David says carefully. “But that’s reasonable. A lot of people prefer that.”</p>
<p>David glances over at Patrick again. He’s still staring off into the middle distance, not quite all there. David rubs his hand comfortingly between Patrick’s shoulders, trying to ground Patrick in the here-and-now so he doesn’t get lost in whatever faraway place his thoughts have wandered to. Patrick leans in a little closer; not quite resting against David, but close enough that his arm brushes against David’s side. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Patrick breathes. “I think that’s what I’d prefer. That’s—it’s what I need.”</p>
<p>“Then you should tell them in person,” David says, “next time you see them.”</p>
<p>Patrick nods. “I will.”</p>
<p>David expects something more, but Patrick doesn’t seem to have anything more to say. They sit there for a while, David rubbing Patrick’s back, and Patrick rubbing his hands together nervously. </p>
<p>“We shouldn’t keep the store closed for this long,” Patrick says after a few minutes. “It sets a bad precedent. People need to know we’re open consistently during regular business hours.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure? We can talk more, if you need to…”</p>
<p>“No, I’m fine.” Patrick gets up and goes to unlock the front door. He doesn’t look fine—David can practically feel the tension emanating off of him. He wants to call Patrick back in, and make him sit down on the floor between David’s legs so he can massage all that tension out of Patrick’s shoulders. But a customer arrives just as Patrick flips the sign back to <em>open</em>, and then they’re back to work.</p>
<p>Patrick is uncharacteristically solemn for the rest of the day. David watches him closely, as if by examining Patrick’s every move, every expression, he can somehow deduce what’s going on. It doesn’t work. He has no idea what Patrick’s thinking.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>They don’t talk about it again after that—at least, not directly. David wonders, sometimes, if Patrick is thinking about it, but he doesn’t ask, not even when Marcy calls the store to order moisturizer. She laughs sheepishly through the entire conversation, explaining how she thought about calling Patrick, but she wanted to place the order <em>officially</em>, without any special treatment. David doesn’t have the heart to tell her they don’t normally take phone orders, and the fact he’ll be mailing it to her at all is <em>very</em> special treatment. </p>
<p>He tells Patrick about the phone call later, hoping desperately that Patrick will say <em>something</em>, anything, about whether he’s told his parents about David yet. David’s not sure why he’s so eager for Patrick to talk to his parents, because it’s not like it matters, at least not to David. David has never particularly wanted to meet the parents of the people he’s dated in the past, and on the rare occasion that he <em>has</em> met someone’s parents, he’s never much cared what they thought of him. Then again, David’s never dated anyone like Patrick before. He’s trying something new. <em>They’re</em> trying something new, together. And maybe trying something new means caring not just about Patrick, but about the people close to him, too. </p>
<p>The problem with trying something new is that it’s <em>new</em>, so David has no frame of reference for how anything is supposed to work. He can’t just <em>ask</em> Patrick about his parents, because that’s the same thing as asking about Patrick’s past, and that’s just—it’s <em>incorrect</em>. David can’t do it. Sure, David might occasionally share a select few stories about his past, but he wouldn’t want Patrick to just <em>ask</em> him about it, and the least David can do is extend Patrick the same courtesy. </p>
<p>David is still curious, though. It’s clear that Patrick is nervous about telling his parents he’s dating a man—about telling them he’s dating <em>David</em>. David wonders if there’s some deeper reason why Patrick is afraid to talk to them, whether there’s genuine cause for concern about how they’ll react. They seem nice enough, when David talks to them on the phone, but—you never know.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you to samwhambam for the music suggestion!</p>
<p>and a belated thank you to whetherwoman for betaing. </p>
<p>I don't know how long I'll be able to keep up this "chapter a day" pattern but we'll see what happens.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s a few months later when David and Patrick go on a rare joint vendor visit. Usually, just one of them goes, so the other can watch the store—well, usually <em>David</em> goes, because the creative decisions are his job, and that includes what products they sell. </p>
<p>But Lisa is a really important client, and Patrick’s the one who made the initial connection, when she came to see him at Ray’s for financial projections for her yarn business. That’s how David finds himself in Patrick’s car bright and early on a Monday morning, a rapidly cooling and somewhat disappointing coffee cradled between his hands (Twyla forgot the cocoa powder). He’d rather be in bed, still asleep, enjoying his day off. </p>
<p>By the time they reach Lisa’s sheep farm, David has finished his coffee and a surprisingly decent croissant, and he’s ready to face other humans. Specifically, a human named Lisa with beautiful handspun yarn and lace shawls that he’d like to sell in his store. </p>
<p>“Hello!” Lisa greets them warmly. She’s petite, with wavy red hair, and it takes David a moment to realize that the person she reminds him of is Rachel. </p>
<p>Lisa shows them around her work space, and thankfully she doesn’t insist that they go meet the actual sheep, because David’s not sure he could handle that. Just seeing the sheep as they drove up was enough for him. </p>
<p>They've already been there for half an hour when David clocks that Lisa is flirting with Patrick. She’s not being obvious about it—she’s not unprofessional—but once he sees it, he can’t unsee it. She smiles every time she looks at Patrick, and laughs even when what he says isn’t funny. And annoyingly, she directs all her questions to Patrick, even though David’s the one who has to answer half the time. David doesn’t mind the flirting, because—well. Who in their right mind wouldn’t want to flirt with Patrick? But he can’t <em>stand</em> being ignored. </p>
<p>Except then Lisa places a hand on Patrick’s shoulder to guide him into the next room, and—okay, maybe the flirting is bothering David after all.</p>
<p>David tells himself that it’s probably a <em>good</em> thing that Lisa is so enamored with Patrick, and by the end of their visit, he almost has himself convinced of it. But he’s still looking forward to getting far away from Lisa and her sheep. </p>
<p>“Mmkay, well,” David says, trying to hurry along their goodbyes. “This has been absolutely lovely, Lisa, but I’d like to get home in time to enjoy at least a little bit of my day off.” David gives Patrick a significant glance. </p>
<p>“Uh-oh, sounds like you might be in trouble with the boss!” Lisa laughs, and—she isn’t <em>entirely</em> wrong, David supposes, but he prefers to think of Patrick as his partner, not his employee, because… things would be weird between them, otherwise. </p>
<p>“Um, sure,” Patrick says uncomfortably. “It’s just that we both have plans tonight, that’s all.” Patrick gives a knowing smile as he glances over at David, and David tries not to think too much about their <em>plans</em>, because this is not the time or place for those kinds of thoughts. “Well, I have plans tonight, at least—<em>I’ve</em> got a date. I don’t know what David’s plans are.” </p>
<p>“O-oh,” Lisa stutters. “Well, I hope you and your lucky lady have a nice time.”</p>
<p>Patrick freezes. “Um—”</p>
<p>“It must be hard,” Lisa babbles, “to balance a job like this with a relationship, I can’t imagine—”</p>
<p>“My <em>partner</em>,” Patrick cuts her off loudly, “doesn’t seem to have a problem with it.” </p>
<p>“That—that’s good,” Lisa says weakly. “I’m happy for you.”</p>
<p>Fuck. If this costs them the contract, David will never forgive himself. Or Patrick. Or Lisa, for that matter.</p>
<p>“Yes, well,” David says, reaching out and firmly shaking Lisa’s hand, “my dad always told me to never mix business and pleasure, but ignoring his advice on <em>both</em> those topics has always worked out better for me. So, here we are.” He smiles warmly and pointedly ignores the way Lisa keeps glancing frantically back and forth between him and Patrick. He can see the exact moment when she figures it out. </p>
<p>They don’t talk at all on the drive home—David knows better than to distract Patrick from driving, especially when he’s this upset. He tries putting on the carefully curated Spotify playlist he recently made specifically for vendor visits, but Patrick wordlessly reaches out and turns the stereo off before Mariah can even get to the high notes in ‘We Belong Together.’</p>
<p>As David sits in the silent car, he thinks about how angry Patrick looked once Lisa figured out what was going on. David can understand why Patrick would be angry at Lisa, but now he’s beginning to think Patrick might be mad at him, too. In the moment, David thought he was doing the right thing by helping Lisa figure out that he and Patrick were <em>together</em>, but—Patrick did say <em>partner</em>, not boyfriend. Maybe he didn’t want Lisa to know he was with David. With a man. </p>
<p>Except that Patrick has never given David any indication that he wants to hide their relationship. At least, not from the people they know in Schitt’s Creek, or even from random customers who come into the store. Patrick has never acted like he’s ashamed of their relationship. David’s been with people who were like that; David’s been a ‘dirty little secret’ before. He knows what that feels like, and he knows that’s not what’s happening here. </p>
<p>But… it’s been months, and Patrick <em>still</em> hasn’t come out to his parents. Or if he has, he hasn’t told David about it. And—he definitely would have said something about it. He <em>will</em> say something. He’ll tell David, when he finally gets around to it. David’s sure of it. </p>
<p>David wonders if Patrick has come out to anyone else yet, at least. Maybe some of his friends from back home—friends who knew him when he was with Rachel. Patrick’s never mentioned any friends, really, but David assumes he must have had some. Although, considering how everything went with Rachel… </p>
<p>God, Lisa <em>really</em> did look a lot like Rachel. Patrick must have noticed that, too. </p>
<p>As soon as they’re back in Schitt’s Creek and Patrick parks the car, David turns and looks at him.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” he says. “I told Lisa that you were—well. I didn’t <em>tell</em> her, exactly, but I made it pretty clear, but I don’t know if you wanted her to know? And I shouldn’t have said anything, I should have let <em>you</em> say something, if you wanted to. So I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Patrick stares at David for a long moment. “That’s—okay,” he says finally. “It’s okay, I don’t mind—I mean—really, I should’ve told her anyway. So it’s fine.” Patrick turns away from David, facing straight ahead and gripping the steering wheel. He doesn’t look fine. </p>
<p>“Patrick?” David asks gently. “Can you talk to me?”</p>
<p>Patrick doesn’t reply.</p>
<p>“I think you should talk to me,” David says a bit more firmly.</p>
<p>Patrick’s jaw clenches and he tightens his grip on the steering wheel. “I know,” he forces out. “I just—” He lets out a sigh, and finally relaxes a bit, tilting his head back until it bumps against the headrest. “I don’t <em>want</em> to talk about it. There’s nothing to say, and it isn’t going to help.”</p>
<p>“Why not?” David asks gently. “You never—” <em>want to talk about this stuff</em>, he doesn’t say. <em>You never try to talk about it. How do you know it won’t help if you don’t even try?</em> “You should at least try,” David manages. “I’ll—I can listen.”</p>
<p>“It’s—I just feel so stupid for even caring. Of course she assumed I had a girlfriend. I’ve <em>had</em> girlfriends. <em>I</em> used to assume I should have—girlfriends. I didn’t even <em>think</em> about it, you know?” </p>
<p>David nods vigorously, pressing his lips together to keep himself from asking <em>who</em> it was that assumed Patrick should have girlfriends; from asking if there was something his parents said, or something they did...</p>
<p>“So it… it shouldn’t matter. Right?” Patrick looks up at David, finally, and David can see that his eyes are red. “I shouldn’t care.”</p>
<p>Fuck. Patrick asked him a direct question, now he <em>has</em> to talk. “I don’t think it works that way,” David says carefully. “It’s not—you just feel what you feel. There’s no <em>should</em> or <em>shouldn’t</em> about it.”</p>
<p>“But it’s—” David can see that Patrick’s getting worked up again, and he hopes it isn’t because of what he said. The last thing David wants is to make matters worse. “It’s not a big deal. Everyone makes those kinds of assumptions. <em>I’ve</em> made those kinds of assumptions.” </p>
<p>David can see what the problem is, now. He understands why Patrick’s upset. And he doesn’t want to tell him, because—it’s not very nice, and it will probably just make Patrick angry. But he thinks Patrick needs to hear it, so he takes a deep breath and says it anyway.</p>
<p>“You’re upset with yourself,” he says bluntly. “You’re not mad at Lisa. You’re mad at yourself, for—for the assumptions you made. About yourself.”</p>
<p>David waits for Patrick to respond, but he doesn’t say anything. He just stares out the window, looking defeated.</p>
<p>“And about other people?” he asks quietly.</p>
<p>“You know, I thought you were gay.” Patrick’s voice is low. “When I first met you.”</p>
<p>“Most people do,” David whispers.</p>
<p>“That doesn’t make it okay.”</p>
<p>“No, it doesn’t.”</p>
<p>They end up not following through on their date night plans—they give their movie tickets to Alexis in exchange for a night in together at the motel. They hold each other tightly, curled up together in David’s tiny twin-sized bed, and they don’t speak for a long time.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Patrick says eventually. </p>
<p>It’s only been a few weeks since Patrick first said those words to David, and it still catches David off guard, the way that hearing those three simple words can make the day’s struggles fade so quickly into the background. Hearing Patrick say <em>I love you</em> makes him feel safe, and warm, and—well—it makes him feel <em>loved</em>. David wonders if the strength of his reaction to those words will ever fade. He hopes it doesn’t.</p>
<p>“I love you too,” he says. It’s still hard for him to say, but it’s worth it, to make Patrick feel loved, too.</p>
<p>“And I’m sorry,” Patrick continues.</p>
<p>“I know,” David says, “but, there’s nothing—you don’t have anything to apologize for.”</p>
<p>“Maybe not. But I’m still sorry.” Patrick pushes himself back against David and pulls David’s arms more tightly around him, but it doesn’t do much, because they’re already snuggled about as close as they can get. David tries to hold him more tightly anyway, though. </p>
<p>*</p>
<p>After the Lisa incident, David notices Patrick putting a little extra emphasis on <em>partner</em> when he introduces David to people. Not that Patrick introducing David is something that happens all that frequently. It’s a small town, and even though Patrick’s long past being the ‘new guy’ in town, he still doesn’t seem to know many people. Sometimes, David thinks about Patrick’s old friends, the ones he must have had back home, before he moved to Schitt’s Creek, but—well, if Patrick never mentions them, maybe there’s a reason for that. It’s not like David wants to call up any of <em>his</em> old ‘friends.’</p>
<p>Still, David has a feeling that Patrick would <em>like</em> to know more people. He’s sure that Patrick would have no problem making friends, if he put in the effort. But David knows he’s not exactly in a position to judge Patrick’s lack of friends—David’s lived in Schitt’s Creek much longer than Patrick, and he doesn’t know many people, either. Then again, that’s a conscious choice on David’s part—he doesn’t really like people, usually. </p>
<p>There are a few people, though, who David thinks of as Patrick’s—well, Patrick’s people. Not quite friends, but more than acquaintances. They’re the kind of relationships that, at one time, David might have thought looked like a friendship—before he met Stevie and realized what it’s like to have a best friend. Now, David sets the bar for friendship much higher, and he’s not sure Patrick really has any friends of his own. </p>
<p>Patrick’s not-quite-friends include Sayana, who plays baseball with him; Carlos, who shares Patrick’s passion for exceedingly boring non-fiction, and texts him occasionally so they can coordinate their book borrowing from the tiny Elms library system; and there’s Erin, the teller at the bank in Elmdale which Patrick visits every Tuesday. David doesn’t even realize Erin and Patrick are on such good terms until she comes into the store one Saturday. She and Patrick start chatting immediately. At first they’re complaining about people saying ‘PIN number’ and ‘ATM machine,’ and then they dive into a heated conversation about RRSPs, or possibly the RCMP, or some other acronym that starts with an R—David isn’t really listening at that point. </p>
<p>David doesn’t clock <em>any</em> of it as flirtatious, because—as much as he loves Patrick and supports Patrick’s interests—it’s quite possibly the most boring conversation he’s ever heard. But, when Erin is finally ready to buy her lace shawl, Patrick joins David behind the register and puts an arm around him, squeezing him firmly. </p>
<p>“Erin, you’ve met my <em>partner</em> David, right?” Patrick presses a quick kiss to David’s cheek before letting go and carefully bagging up the shawl. </p>
<p>Erin has, in fact, met David, on several occasions—sometimes David has to make the Tuesday bank trip, when Patrick’s busy with other things. But Erin still smiles and says it’s nice to meet him, because she’s polite and good at social niceties in a way David has never quite been able to master. She even half-heartedly suggests that they should go on a double date some time, and Patrick very carefully says it would be nice to meet her <em>partner</em>, and David has to try to hide his smile, because Patrick is being kind of adorable. </p>
<p>“We should go on that double date,” David says after she’s left.</p>
<p>“Yeah? You think so?” Patrick replies.</p>
<p>“I do,” David says. “You two could talk some more about—ATMs, and the RCMP, or whatever.”</p>
<p>“Okay, David,” Patrick laughs. “And what about Erin’s partner? What if they want to talk about ATMs and the RCMP, too?”</p>
<p>“I’m sure I’ll survive somehow,” David says.</p>
<p>A few weeks pass, and David doesn’t hear anything more about the double date. He still wishes that Patrick would be more proactive about making more friends, but he’s aware of how hypocritical that is; it's not like David has that many friends, either. So David lets it go, and tries not to worry about making an effort to meet other people—for now, they have each other, and that’s enough. </p>
<p>And things between the two of them are good. Great, even. Maybe not moving-in-together great, but once that little miscommunication is resolved, David is excited about Patrick’s new apartment, and he’s really looking forward to Patrick’s housewarming party. Patrick invited all his not-quite-friends, including Erin, who says she’s planning on bringing her boyfriend. And despite his aversion to people in general, David is even looking forward to meeting Erin’s boyfriend. Who knows—maybe he’ll want to chat about the new Balenciaga collection.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to whetherwoman for betaing, many months ago.</p>
<p>Thank you to...uh...too many people to name, for helping me fill in a very specific celebrity name drop mad-lib. Apparently I just didn't watch enough South Park to be able to figure it out for myself.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It turns out that there are much more interesting things at Patrick’s party than Erin and her boyfriend—things like a drunk, shirtless Ted, and an ill-advised game of spin the bottle.</p>
<p>David doesn’t actually mind that Patrick’s jealous, not really. Maybe it caught him off guard, a bit, to realize that Patrick was jealous of <em>him</em>, not Ted; or rather, that he was jealous of <em>both</em> of them. He’s never seen Patrick express interest in any other guys, really, so it’s just—a surprise, that’s all. </p>
<p>Well. That’s not entirely true. He’s never seen Patrick <em>admit</em> to interest in other guys. He’s seen Patrick express interest in other guys quite often, although sometimes David thinks Patrick himself might not even be fully aware of it. Just the other day, a guy came into the store who definitely looked like he <em>goes to the gym</em>, as Patrick would put it, and David is fairly confident that the man’s tattoos were not the only reason Patrick was staring at him. </p>
<p>And honestly, David kind of likes seeing Patrick express attraction to other men. David’s been with a lot of people, but Patrick… hasn’t. And there’s no harm in just looking. Appreciating. Fantasizing. Everybody does that. Except Patrick doesn’t usually <em>admit</em> to it, so it’s fun to see him get so worked up about it. And David can’t help but tease him, at least a bit. </p>
<p>When David finishes taking out the trash and comes back inside, Patrick is still stomping around with that adorable grumpy look on his face, so David decides it’s time to smooth things over.</p>
<p>“Hey,” David says, walking up behind Patrick, who is currently rearranging liquor bottles with much more <em>clinking</em> than seems necessary. “You know I’m not serious, right? About any of this. It’s fine that you were checking Ted out. I was checking Ted out. <em>Everyone</em> was checking him out, because as you put it, he <em>goes to the gym</em>.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Patrick mutters. “I know you’re not serious. I don’t know why it bothers me so much.”</p>
<p>“Mm.” They stand there for a moment, David peering over Patrick’s shoulder as Patrick continues to rearrange the liquor bottles, but slightly less aggressively, now. </p>
<p>“But how <em>was</em> it kissing my sister, anyway?” Fuck, that was probably pushing it too far, but David can’t help himself. It’s just so easy to tease Patrick about this. </p>
<p>“David,” Patrick snaps, turning around and pushing him away. “I get it, alright? I’m <em>really</em> gay. It wasn’t great.” </p>
<p>“That’s—” <em>not what I meant at all</em>, David starts to say, but Patrick’s eyes are widening and he looks shocked. Scared, almost. “Patrick?” David asks, instead. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“I’ve never actually said that out loud before.” </p>
<p>David racks his brain, and he can’t remember ever hearing Patrick say it before, either. But David doesn’t pay much attention to that sort of thing. He actively avoids labels for himself, only resorting to <em>pansexual</em> when absolutely necessary. Like when he was twenty and his dad grilled him about what to <em>call</em> him for what felt like at least an hour before he finally broke down and snapped “it’s called <em>pansexual</em>, okay?”</p>
<p>But David knows labels are important to a lot of people. So it might be important to Patrick, too. </p>
<p>“You’ve never said that you’re—gay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Patrick says. “I’m—I’m gay,” he repeats more tentatively; not as if he’s unsure of the veracity of the statement, but as if he’s still not sure how he feels about saying it.</p>
<p>David knows, of course, that Patrick hasn’t come out to his family yet, or to anyone else he knew before moving to Schitt’s Creek. So it’s not as if it’s a surprise, that Patrick’s never actually said out loud, <em>I’m gay</em>. At least, it shouldn’t be a surprise. But it is jarring, still, to be reminded so directly that Patrick isn’t actually <em>out</em>; not really. It doesn’t come up much, because it’s not like Patrick has to come out to anyone <em>in</em> Schitt’s Creek; they all know about him and David. In their day-to-day lives, it’s easy for David to avoid thinking about it. Wondering when Patrick will come out to his parents leads to wondering why he hasn’t done so already, which leads to wondering what’s wrong with Patrick, or his parents, or what’s wrong with <em>David</em>, and—David can’t do that. He can’t. So he doesn’t.</p>
<p>Besides, there could be other reasons why Patrick hasn’t specifically called himself <em>gay</em> before. Maybe the reason Patrick hasn’t said that he’s gay is because he’s <em>not</em> gay. Maybe Patrick doesn’t like labels, either, or would prefer to use a different one. David doesn’t want to make Patrick feel the way he felt, all those years ago when his dad insisted on a <em>word</em> for him. </p>
<p>“Are you—I mean—is that how you think of yourself? As gay?” </p>
<p>“Of course I’m gay, David,” Patrick snaps. He doesn’t look scared any more, which is good; but now he looks annoyed, which is bad. “I’m—I tried being with women. I almost <em>married</em> a woman, and it wasn’t right.” </p>
<p>“Mm. And it’s right with me, because I’m a man.” </p>
<p>“Because—I mean, yes, because you’re a man, but not <em>just</em> because of that.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” David can think of at least a dozen follow-up questions, none of which he is remotely capable of asking, because if he asks Patrick about <em>specifics</em>, about his relationship with Rachel, or if he ever thought he might be attracted to men before he met David, or—or if his family, if they pressured him, maybe, into dating women—he doesn’t know what Patrick will do. He doesn’t know, but he knows it can’t be good, so he doesn’t ask. </p>
<p>“What do you mean, <em>okay</em>?” Patrick crosses his arms. </p>
<p>Fuck. David needs to say something; he needs to help Patrick, to make him see that it’s okay; it’s all okay. David wishes he knew the right combination of words to fix this for Patrick. But David has no idea what those words are. He’s not even sure what he’s trying to <em>fix</em>. So instead, David thinks about what he wishes someone had told him, when he was just coming to terms with his own sexuality, and he tries that. </p>
<p>“I mean that, if you’re gay, or if you—if that’s a label you want, that’s fine. And if not, if it doesn’t fit, or feel right, you—labels aren’t required. There isn’t some queer committee, somewhere, that sorts you into a category.”</p>
<p>Patrick laughs dryly. “God, can you imagine? If there was a committee, somewhere, and they’d just <em>told</em> me that I was—” He shakes his head. “I need to sit down.”</p>
<p>They both sit on the foot of the bed, surveying the mess in the halfway-tidied-up apartment. David waits for Patrick to speak.</p>
<p>“Is this normal?” Patrick asks after a long silence. “To—you know.”</p>
<p>David keeps waiting. Patrick looks at him expectantly.</p>
<p>“I can’t actually read your mind, you know,” David says.</p>
<p>“Okay, but—you’re good at this stuff. Like, you know things.”</p>
<p>“You’re going to have to be more specific. Please, tell me everything I’m good at and all the things I know.”</p>
<p>Patrick rolls his eyes. “You know about being, um, not straight. Being… queer. Or—whatever word you want to use.”</p>
<p>“I know how it is for <em>me</em>. That doesn’t mean I know how it is for everyone.”</p>
<p>“Surely there’s some trends. Overlapping experiences.”</p>
<p>“I mean, sure? But nothing’s universal. I don’t think—” David chooses his words carefully. “You asked if this is <em>normal</em>, but there is no <em>normal</em>. There’s just—you. And what you feel. And whatever that is, it’s valid.” </p>
<p>David wraps an arm around Patrick, and Patrick leans against him. They stay like that for a long time, just sitting with each other. David rubs a hand on Patrick’s back, and Patrick plays with the buttons on David’s shirt. </p>
<p>Eventually, Patrick gets up and resumes cleaning, so David joins him, and working together, it doesn’t take them long to finish. </p>
<p>Patrick changes into his normal pajamas, but David leaves his on. He figures that if he’s going to wear something this ridiculous, he might as well fully commit to it. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry I can’t help you more,” David murmurs as he curls up beside Patrick in bed, resting his head on Patrick’s chest. </p>
<p>“No, you’re fine, I’m sorry I—”</p>
<p>“Mm-mm,” David hums, and he lifts his head up to look at Patrick. “No apologies from you. You should talk about this stuff more often.”</p>
<p>Patrick sighs. “I know.”</p>
<p>As David lies in bed, he keeps replaying the conversation in his head, worried he might have said something wrong. He’s never been in this situation before. Sure, he’s been a ‘first’ for other men who were closeted, or ‘experimenting,’ or newly out, but—this is different. This is the first time he’s cared this deeply about a partner’s personal growth, and it’s <em>hard</em>, feeling so unsure of how he can support Patrick. </p>
<p>The one detail he keeps returning to is the look of shock on Patrick’s face after he first said he was gay. If Patrick isn’t comfortable telling his own <em>boyfriend</em> that he’s gay… then he’s certainly not going to be able to tell anyone else, at least not any time soon. And as much as David’s been trying not to think about that, he can’t help but realize that he wants that. He wants it for Patrick, because the closet is a terrible place, and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Not even Tom Cruise, who probably deserves it. But he also wants it for <em>himself</em>, because—he doesn’t want to be in that closet, either. Not even with Patrick as company.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the long wait on this one! Hopefully the wait was worth it. I'd like to say the next chapter will be up more quickly, but... all I can say is that I'll try my best.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>David has been trying his hardest to be supportive of Patrick’s coming out process, but the truth is, his patience is wearing thin. He hadn’t said anything, of course, but deep down David had been hoping that Patrick would tell his parents about their relationship when he went home for Christmas. Except Patrick didn’t go home for Christmas, because they were so busy at the store. Now that there’s no definite timeline for David to count on, he’s starting to get antsy.</p><p>It’s obvious that Patrick has some things to work through regarding his sexuality, but David is trying to be optimistic about it. Now that Patrick has said, out loud, that he’s gay, maybe he’s ready to start figuring out… whatever it is that’s wrong. David doesn’t know what Patrick’s struggling with, not really. But he wants to help Patrick figure it out.</p><p>He <em>needs</em> to help Patrick figure it out, because at this point, there’s no way David is going to trust Patrick to deal with this entirely on his own. David’s learned by now that Patrick needs a little bit of outside pressure, sometimes, to get things done. Sure, he’s persistent, and capable, but occasionally he needs someone else to make the first move. And now that David knows just how long it took Patrick simply to say, <em>out loud</em>, that he’s gay—well. David is fully prepared to make the first move, if he has to. </p><p>So when Ken shows up a few weeks later, it seems obvious to David that this is his chance. It’s a perfect opportunity to push Patrick just a little bit outside of his comfort zone. To give him a chance to explore his sexuality in ways he might not be able to with David. David’s confident it will turn out just fine. </p><p>But when Patrick shows up at the motel, David realizes he could not have been more wrong. This was a <em>huge</em> mistake, and not just because of Ken’s weird shoes. </p><p>It’s clear that Patrick doesn’t want to hang out at the motel for very long, and David feels the same, considering how Alexis is hovering near them offering unsolicited input and advice. So they head back to Patrick’s apartment together. There’s no point in David staying at the motel tonight, now that Patrick isn’t going on his date with Ken.</p><p>They don’t talk much as they get settled in, but David knows they need to. He wonders why they frequently seem to have these sorts of difficult conversations right before bed. Maybe it would be better to do it in the morning, or the afternoon, or—David’s not really sure if there’s a preferable time of day to have an important but difficult conversation with your partner, because this is the first relationship he’s ever been in long enough to get to the point where those kinds of conversations need to happen.</p><p>David knows lots of ways to break up with someone, or be broken up with. But he’s still figuring out how to talk about your relationship when you both know you’re going to stay together. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” David decides to open with, because while that relationship quiz in Alexis’s magazine might have been rigged, some of the advice in it seemed reasonable, including the suggestion to apologize often. “I shouldn’t have made you go out with Ken.”</p><p>“You didn’t <em>make</em> me do anything,” Patrick argues. “I can make my own choices.”</p><p>“Okay, but, I put a lot of pressure on you. And… well. The idea could’ve used more planning. We could’ve talked about it more.”</p><p>“There’s nothing to talk about,” Patrick says. “You told me to go on a date with another guy. I don’t want to date other guys.”</p><p>“Okay, but—you get that I wasn’t really trying to get you to <em>date</em> Ken, right?”</p><p>“Then what were you trying to do, David?” Patrick throws his arms in the air in frustration. “Did you want me to fuck him? Is that what you wanted?” </p><p>That’s not at all what David wanted, not really. What David <em>wanted</em> was for Patrick to get over whatever remaining hangups he has about being gay, so that they could stop having these fights, or <em>whatever</em> this is, if it’s not a fight. And so that maybe, eventually, Patrick could come out to his parents. But David doesn’t think that telling Patrick ‘I sent you on a date with Ken so that you’d finally come out to your parents’ is going to go over very well. It sounds absurd. It <em>is</em> absurd. </p><p>“I didn’t <em>want</em> anything except for you to—to experience… things,” David tries to explain. “To have more experiences. Experiences that you haven’t had the chance to have before.”</p><p>“Like what? Having sex with a guy who’s not you? Would just one guy be enough? How many—” Patrick cuts off, shaking his head. “Fucking hell, David. What do you want from me?”</p><p>Patrick looks at David expectantly, and David begins to realize that he doesn’t actually know what he wants from Patrick. He just wants to <em>fix</em> things, but he can’t, because he doesn’t actually know what’s <em>wrong</em>; all he knows is that he’s fucked everything up. He’s fucked it all up, and once Patrick realizes what a mess David has made of this, he’s going to—</p><p>David takes a deep breath, and reminds himself that while he may be a complete disaster, he’s not alone. Because Patrick is fucking this up, too. </p><p>“I think we’re both bad at this,” he says. “Talking about—” he waves his hands around, hoping a gesture will make up for the words he can’t find. “You know. This.”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Patrick says flatly.</p><p>“This stuff! About—like—” David grasps for words. “Like after we visited Lisa’s sheep farm, and she assumed you had a girlfriend, and you got all grumpy and turned off the music even though it was <em>Mariah</em>. Or at your housewarming party, when Ted—you know. During spin the bottle. And it’s not like Ken’s the first hot guy to come in the store, or even the first guy to flirt with you. He’s just the first guy you flirted back with.” </p><p>“Oh, come on—”</p><p>“There was that guy,” David interrupts, “with the ridiculously well-groomed beard. And that one guy with all the tattoos; surely you remember him. <em>And</em>, there’s Joel.”</p><p>“Joel?” Patrick asks.</p><p>“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed Mr. Cute Butt who comes in every two weeks to pick up shampoo.”</p><p>Patrick blushes, which is all the confirmation David needs that he has <em>definitely</em> noticed Joel. </p><p>“Okay, maybe I’ve—noticed him. But that doesn’t mean I want to…” Patrick trails off. </p><p>“Sure, but you could at least <em>admit</em> to it.”</p><p>“What good would that do?”</p><p>“It—I mean, it could be fun. Like—like when Ted… you know.”</p><p>“That wasn’t fun.” Patrick almost looks like he’s pouting, now, and David can’t resist teasing him a little bit. </p><p>“Are you sure? I thought it was pretty fun.” David twists his mouth into something that is not quite a smile. </p><p>“Of course <em>you</em> thought it was fun, you were the one who—um.” Patrick’s blushing, now. </p><p>“Well, I thought that with Ken, <em>you</em> could have a chance to be the one who… <em>um</em>.” David’s not-smile grows, turning into something that might actually be a smile, after all.</p><p>“Okay, but—it didn’t feel <em>right</em>. Not like it does with you,” Patrick insists. “With you, it feels right.”</p><p>“Mm.” David thinks for a moment. “What about with me <em>and</em> Ted? Or—you know. Not Ted.”</p><p>Patrick stares. “What about it?”</p><p>“Just… it’s something to think about.” </p><p>Patrick looks deeply uncomfortable, like he’d very much rather <em>not</em> think about it. So David decides to change the subject before they get too far off track.</p><p>“Listen. It’s fine if you don’t want to be with Ken, or—or anyone else. But you can barely <em>admit</em> to thinking other men are attractive, and you still freak out when people think you’re straight! You can’t even—” <em>come out to your family</em>, David doesn’t say. “I think there’s some things you need to figure out. And I think it might help you to—to talk to someone. You can talk to me. Or someone else. Talk to Ray, for all I care. Just talk to <em>someone</em>.”</p><p>“I did talk to Ray,” Patrick says quietly. “A little bit.”</p><p>“Oh,” David breathes.</p><p>“And—and I talk to you,” Patrick says. David raises an eyebrow. “It’s hard to talk to you, because you’re—” Patrick stops, and David can tell what he’s going to say next just from the look on his face. “I love you,” he says helplessly.</p><p>“I love you too,” David replies.</p><p>They don’t speak as they go through their respective nighttime before-bed routines. It’s not an easy silence, not exactly, but it’s not tense, either. David can tell they both need some time to think; to digest the conversation they just had. </p><p>David’s thoughts drift back to something he hasn’t thought about in a while—Patrick’s friends from before, the ones David’s sure he had, even though he never mentioned them. And David is certain that he must have had friends before because Patrick is outgoing, and personable, and he’s always <em>doing</em> something. That’s how he has such a big circle of almost-friends, now, in Schitt’s Creek—through baseball, and Ray’s meetings for local small business owners, and that one seminar he went to in Elm Ridge that was on a topic so boring David’s already forgotten it. </p><p>Maybe his friends from before were only almost-friends, too. Maybe Patrick’s used to keeping people at a distance.</p><p>“You like doing things,” David says once they’re settled in bed.</p><p>Patrick laughs. “I think you need to be more specific, here.”</p><p>“You like joining things, like—groups. You like to be around people. Like that spreadsheet seminar you went to in Elm Ridge.”</p><p>“Yes, the <em>spreadsheet seminar</em>,” Patrick says with a smile. “You know that was actually a seminar on—”</p><p>“And baseball,” David interrupts. He worked very hard to forget what that seminar was about; he doesn’t want to go through that again. “You like baseball!”</p><p>“Okay…” Patrick says slowly. “Lots of people enjoy being social, David.”</p><p>“So I’ve heard,” David agrees. “And since you are one of those people, I think you should find, you know. A group for this. For—queer stuff.”</p><p>“Funny story—I actually tried that,” Patrick says. “I was in the gay straight alliance at my high school. It didn’t exactly help.”</p><p>“You were?” David didn’t expect Patrick to say that. Then again, despite the ‘high school slumber party’ theme of Patrick’s housewarming party, David doesn’t actually know much about what Patrick was like in high school. </p><p>“Yeah. I was in drama class, and the Venn diagram of ‘theater kids’ and ‘kids in the GSA’ was basically a circle, so… it was the thing to do, you know? And I wanted to be a good ally.” Patrick rubs the back of his neck. “At least, that’s what I thought at the time.”</p><p>“Okay, but at the time, you didn’t realize you were gay,” David says. “Now you do, so—it would be different, this time.”</p><p>“So what, you think I need to go back to high school?” Patrick says. “I’m thirty-one, David. That’s embarrassing.”</p><p>“Alexis went back to high school,” David retorts. “And I’m proud of her. Aren’t you?”</p><p>“Of course,” Patrick says quickly. “That’s—that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I don’t even know if—it might not be an option. Who knows if there’s something like that around here. And even if you found something, maybe you wouldn’t like it. But—it can’t hurt to try.”</p><p>“Wait. Why haven’t <em>you</em> looked for something like that before? Wouldn’t you already know if there was a group like that? You live here. You’re queer.”</p><p>“<em>Get used to it</em>,” David mutters under his breath.</p><p>“What?” Patrick asks.</p><p>“Never mind,” David says. “Anyway, can you imagine me joining any sort of club? For any reason?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Patrick muses. “Ray told me he’s thinking about starting a Mariah Carey fanclub, you might want to get in on that.”</p><p>“Absolutely not,” David says. He’s pretty sure Patrick is joking. Mostly sure. He <em>hopes</em> Patrick is joking, at least. “Anyway. The point stands. It may not be right for me, but—it could be right for you.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Patrick says. “You have a point. I’ll—I’ll look for a, um, a queer group. Thing. Something like that.”</p><p>“You know, if Ray is so passionate about starting clubs, maybe you and him can team up and start one yourself. ‘Queer group thing’ has a nice ring to it.”</p><p>Patrick laughs. “Maybe I should let you name it. You’re pretty good at that, even if your ideas are a bit pretentious, sometimes.”</p><p>“<em>Timeless</em>,” David argues. “I told you, it’s <em>timeless</em>.”</p><p>“Okay, David.” Patrick’s still laughing as they kiss. David’s laughing, too. Before Patrick, David never had to figure out how to kiss someone when they’re both laughing. It’s surprisingly difficult, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything. </p><p>*</p><p>David may hate groups, and sports, and most of all group sports; but he doesn’t regret agreeing to help out Patrick’s baseball team, because now he gets to eat <em>barbecue</em>.</p><p>David has a mouth full of hot dog when a woman from Patrick’s team—the stopshort? Is that a thing?—approaches him to introduce himself.</p><p>“Hi, you must be David,” she says, extending her hand. David hastily wipes his hand on his horrible baseball pants before taking her hand. She has a surprisingly firm grip. “I’m Sayana,” she says. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”</p><p>David gulps down his half-chewed hot dog as quickly as he can. It’s deeply uncomfortable. “All good things, I assume,” he croaks, and takes a large swig of pop. He’s heard about Sayana too, but he wouldn’t say he’s heard <em>a lot</em> about her; he mostly just knows that she exists and she plays baseball with Patrick. </p><p>“Definitely,” Sayana says, winking as she sits down. “I don’t think Patrick’s capable of saying an unkind word about you.”</p><p>“That’s very nice of you,” David replies, “but I don’t think it’s true.”</p><p>“Hm,” Sayana says thoughtfully. “Whatever you say. He talks about you a lot, you know.”</p><p>Well, if she’s going to put it <em>that</em> way, David can’t help but be curious. “Oh?” he asks with as much nonchalance as he can muster. “And what does he say?”</p><p>“This and that,” she replies evasively. “He told me you like barbecue.”</p><p>“That’s true,” David agrees.</p><p>“And that you—” She cuts off as something over David’s shoulder catches her eye. “Hey, Brewer!” she shouts, beckoning Patrick over from where he’s deep in conversation with another member of his team, probably about… complicated sports things. “We missed you at the queer bowling club the other night.” </p><p>“Hey, Sayana! Good game today. Um, have you met—”</p><p>“Yeah, I introduced myself,” she interrupts. “So are you gonna come next month? And more importantly, are you gonna bring this guy?” She tilts her head towards David. </p><p>“Um, well—I have Cabaret rehearsals, and it’s a long drive to Elm Valley, so I don’t know if both David and I can get away from the store—”</p><p>“I’ll watch the store,” David says quickly, “so you can go to the—wait, did you say <em>bowling</em>?”</p><p>“Yeah, the Queer Bowling Club of Elm Valley is a time-honored tradition, going all the way back to—well.” She raises her eyebrows and looks expectantly at Patrick. “The legendary queer history of the Elms is something you can learn about <em>if</em> you ever manage to show up to Queer Bowling Night.”</p><p>David likes Sayana. “I like her,” he says to Patrick. “Why didn’t you introduce us sooner? Also, I think you should go to the bowling thing.”</p><p>Patrick looks thoroughly flustered, and it’s adorable. “Um, I—I’ll see what I can do,” he says to Sayana. “We’ll check our calendar, alright?” he says, pivoting to David. “Have you had enough of the barbecue yet? I’m sure you want to get home and change out of those tap shoes.”</p><p>“Um, I have it on very good authority that they’re called <em>cleats</em>.”</p><p>They stay and chat with Sayana for a few more minutes, but Patrick was right—David wants out of these shoes as soon as possible. And everything else, for that matter; he’s covered in dirt and feels absolutely disgusting. He calls first shower as soon as they get back to Patrick’s apartment, and Patrick knows better than to object.</p><p>“So did you check your calendar yet?” David asks as he emerges from the bathroom, toweling his hair dry. </p><p>“I haven’t exactly had a chance to,” Patrick replies. He’s sitting on the couch, still wearing his hideous yet somehow attractive uniform. “I’ll check right now,” he concedes, picking up his phone. “Um—well, technically I’m free, but…”</p><p>“But what? If you’re free, you should go,” David says.</p><p>“It’s on my birthday,” Patrick says. “I don’t know if I want to—”</p><p>“Oh, no, you shouldn’t go if it’s on your birthday,” David says in a rush. “Not that—I mean, we haven’t talked about your plans, or anything. But if you don’t want to go—”</p><p>“Yeah,” Patrick says. “I was hoping to have dinner with you, that night.”</p><p>“Mmhm,” David agrees. “That sounds good. We could go to the cafe.”</p><p>“Sure,” Patrick laughs. “I hear it’s a good place to go on your birthday.”</p><p>“We could get the mozzarella sticks,” David suggests. “Or we could try something else.”</p><p>“The crab cakes, maybe.”</p><p>David is reluctant to order any seafood at the cafe, but—it’s Patrick’s birthday. Patrick should get what he wants.</p><p>“Alright,” David says. “We’ll get the crab cakes.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So remember how last time I apologized for the long wait for an update after, like, 4 days? 😂😭 I ended up having to rewrite a lot of this chapter, which was good and necessary, but it slowed me down a bit. </p>
<p>Thank you to whetherwoman for betaing this many months ago, and thank you yourbuttervoicedbeau for giving it a quick read before I posted to make sure it's actually coherent.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Patrick talks about the past few years very little, but he talks about his childhood an awful lot. Sometimes, David thinks Patrick is trying to make up for not talking about the past decade of his life by talking even more about the first decade of his life. But David tries not to think about that too much.</p>
<p>So, it’s easy for David to decide to throw a surprise party for Patrick. Surprise parties are <em>incorrect</em>, of course, but Patrick always wanted one when he was a kid, and never got to have one, so that’s what David will do. David wonders why Patrick’s parents never managed to give him the surprise party he claims he so desperately wanted as a child; he even thinks about inviting them, so they can be a part of the life Patrick has built, now that he’s figured out how to get the things he wants himself. But of course, he can’t, because—they don’t know. Probably. Most likely, they don’t know, and David can’t risk it.</p>
<p>David tries very, very hard to keep it a secret; but he has to tell Twyla, because he needs the cafe for the party. Then he has to tell his mom, which he was <em>really</em> trying to avoid, but she was making noises about hosting some city council event, or fundraiser, or something—David isn’t even sure <em>what</em> it was. But it was going to be that same night, on Patrick’s birthday, and David can’t have a competing event.</p>
<p>And once his mom knows, it’s only a matter of time before the entire Rose family is in on the secret. By the time the day of the party comes around, practically the whole town knows. Even <em>Gwen</em> gives David a knowing wink when he passes her on his way to work that morning. David hopes she doesn’t think she’s invited to the party.</p>
<p>Despite the secret becoming not-so-secret a little sooner than David would like, he isn’t worried. Patrick completely bought his lie about the salmonella outbreak at the cafe, and everything is going as planned. At least, until his dad comes running into the cafe, panting, a look of concern on his face that David hasn’t seen since that time Alexis was taken hostage on David Geffen’s yacht.</p>
<p>“Did you run here, Mr. Rose?” Stevie asks.</p>
<p>“No, just a pleasant walk,” Johnny says through labored breaths.</p>
<p>“Okay, I’m on a site survey for the party—what’s going on?” David snaps. He doesn’t have time for extraneous family issues today.</p>
<p>“Um, random question for you. Patrick’s parents, they’re aware that you and Patrick are—romantically involved, right?”</p>
<p>“What? Why are you asking me about Patrick’s <em>parents</em> right now?”</p>
<p>“Well, ah, it turns out—you weren’t the only one who planned a birthday surprise for Patrick,” Johnny says. </p>
<p>David glances over at Stevie, and she has that <em>oh shit</em> look on her face that means she’s torn between either breaking out the metaphorical popcorn so she can fully enjoy the drama, or bolting before she gets pulled into the drama herself. Right now, it looks like she’s leaning heavily towards bolting. David doesn’t blame her.</p>
<p>“And what—what is this other <em>surprise</em>?”</p>
<p>“Well, a few weeks ago, I got a very interesting call at the motel. You know, the Brewers hadn’t seen their son in a long time, and they were thinking it might be nice to pay him a visit. So I mentioned, uh, that you were planning a party, and that it might be nice if they added an extra <em>surprise</em> to the <em>surprise party</em>.” Johnny laughs uncomfortably. “So, surprise! They’re here. Roland and I checked them in this morning.”</p>
<p>David should probably say something, but he can’t. His mind can’t quite catch up to what he just heard, so he’s simply frozen in place, trying to process what his dad just said. </p>
<p>“Um, excuse me?” Stevie asks. “Why did no one tell <em>me</em> that Patrick’s parents would be staying at <em>my</em> motel?”</p>
<p>“Well, I figured that if I told you, you’d probably tell David, who would tell Patrick, and—that’s not how surprises work, Stevie,” Johnny says.</p>
<p>His dad acting as though <em>he’s</em> the authority on surprises is enough to snap David out of his silence. “Oh, you mean like how I told mom about the surprise party, and suddenly the whole <em>town</em> knew about it? And anyway, what gives you the right to—to interfere with my plans? I’m on a <em>very</em> specific timeline today, I don’t have time to deal with—with…” David trails off as he circles back around the actual matter at hand. The big, terrifying problem that his dad has created. “Wait. You asked—if they, um, Patrick’s parents. If they know about…” </p>
<p>“About—yes, well, of course they know that you and Patrick have a <em>business</em> relationship. But do they know that your relationship is also, ah, <em>romantic</em> in nature?”</p>
<p>“Oh my god.” David’s heart is racing. He fidgets with his cell phone, passing it from one hand to the other, and tries not to think about the fact that he can’t actually feel his fingers. “What did you <em>say</em> to them?”</p>
<p>“Nothing! Or, nothing—I mean, nothing <em>unusual</em>, just something about—mixing business and romance, it’s very risky business, but of course it seems to be working out very well for the two of you—”</p>
<p>“Patrick isn’t <em>out</em> to his parents!” David shrieks. “He doesn’t—they don’t <em>know</em>. Or they didn’t know until <em>now</em>. I need to—I need—”</p>
<p>David tries to steady his breathing as Twyla guides him to sit down at one of the tables. He looks up and sees Stevie hovering near the doorway, her eyes wide. He tries to give a look that says <em>if you leave me right now, I will never forgive you</em>, but he’s not actually sure he’s capable of conveying anything besides sheer terror right now. </p>
<p>“I’m sure it will be fine,” Twyla says. “My second cousin lived with his boyfriend for ten years before coming out to his stepmom, and it wasn’t a problem at all! Well, except they’re broken up now—the boyfriend ran off with his sister. But his stepmom was really great about the whole thing!”</p>
<p>“I need to go talk to them,” David says. “And—I need to talk to <em>Patrick</em>, and—fuck, I still need to buy him <em>flowers</em>, and now I need to stop by the store, too.” David stands up to leave, trying to ignore how unsteady he feels on his feet.</p>
<p>“I’m coming with you,” Stevie says. </p>
<p>“You don’t have to do that.” Honestly, David’s surprised Stevie hasn’t run off already.</p>
<p>“Actually, I do.”</p>
<p>Johnny clears his throat. “Well, I guess I’ll head back to the motel and—”</p>
<p>“<em>Not<em> say another <em>word</em> to the Brewers until I get there.” David shoots a glare at his dad before he follows Stevie out the door.</em></em></p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“You really didn’t have to do this,” David says from the passenger seat of Stevie’s car.</p>
<p>
“There was no way I was letting you drive yourself to Patrick’s right now,” Stevie replies. “Or worse, try to <em>walk</em> there while carrying flowers and pizza.”</p>
<p>David glances at the backseat, where there are two pizzas: one for David, one for Stevie. He’s not feeling very hungry, though. Despite what he said to Stevie, David’s glad she offered to give him a ride to Patrick’s apartment. He knows that if he were alone right now, he might be in the middle of a full-on panic attack. But Stevie’s presence is grounding enough to just keep him from completely losing it.</p>
<p>Stevie pulls up in front of Patrick’s apartment and puts the car in park. “Well,” she says, reclining her seat and reaching back to grab her pizza. “Good luck.”</p>
<p>“That’s it? <em>Good luck</em>?”</p>
<p>Stevie shrugs, opens up her pizza box, and grabs a slice. “This situation seems pretty fucked. <em>Good luck</em> is about all I’ve got for you.”</p>
<p>
 “So you’re just going to… sit here and eat pizza, while I go tell my boyfriend all about how my dad just <em>outed</em> him?”</p>
<p>“Yup,” Stevie says as she chews a bite of pizza. She pauses to finish chewing and swallow, then continues. “What if things go south and you need a getaway car? Besides, I always like to eat lunch in my car and listen to the CBC.”</p>
<p>“Oh my <em>god</em>,” David says. “I know for a fact that you spend your lunch breaks listening to erotic audiobooks.”  He gets out of the car, grabs the flowers and the remaining pizza from the backseat, and slams the door. As he turns to walk away, he realizes Stevie has rolled down the passenger side window, so he stops to listen to what she has to say.</p>
<p>“You’re right,” she says solemnly. “And I need to find out what happens in book three of the ‘My Werewolf Professor’ series. So I’ll be here, waiting for you.”</p>
<p>When David gets to Patrick’s door, he takes a moment to do some of those breathing exercises Twyla taught him before he tentatively opens the door and steps inside. He greets Patrick with a <em>happy birthday</em> and a kiss, trying to look calm and collected while his heart is threatening to beat its way out of his chest.</p>
<p>“How’s the store?” Patrick asks.</p>
<p>“Thriving, but more importantly, how are you? Have you gotten some calls from some family, or... friends?” David isn’t sure which of Patrick’s friends would have called him. He’s not even sure Patrick’s friends know when his birthday is. Maybe Sayana called to remind him about queer bowling club, because—that’s happening <em>tonight</em>. The queer bowling club, which Patrick promised he’d go to next month. The queer bowling club, which David encouraged Patrick to go to in part because he wanted Patrick to figure out how to come to his parents.</p>
<p>Patrick’s parents, who are here, in Schitt’s Creek, <em>right now</em>. Fuck.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I talked to my parents a little while ago,” Patrick says. David tries to stop spiraling and focus on what Patrick’s saying. “They’re on a weekend getaway, so they couldn’t chat long, but…”</p>
<p>“Did you tell them about dinner?” David immediately regrets asking this. Why would Patrick tell his parents about his dinner plans with a boyfriend they don’t even <em>know</em> about? But he wants to keep the subject on Patrick’s parents. He <em>needs</em> to keep them talking about Patrick’s parents, because he needs to tell Patrick what’s going on.</p>
<p>“They were actually just pulling up to their hotel, so they had to jump off, but…” Patrick trails off. David can tell he doesn’t want to talk about his parents anymore, so—he needs to do this <em>now</em>.</p>
<p>“Um, speaking of your parents. I’ve been wondering—I mean, I’ve realized that—well. We never really followed up about, um. If you’ve talked to them. Yet.”</p>
<p>“If I’ve talked to them about… about what?” Patrick asks. David thinks Patrick knows what he’s asking, but—he <em>was</em> a little vague. Maybe he needs to be clearer.</p>
<p>“Like, about me. Have you talked to them about me? Do they know about me?”</p>
<p>“Of course they know about you, what do you mean? Why…” Now David’s certain that Patrick knows what he’s talking about, and he’s just being deliberately obtuse.</p>
<p>“Patrick,” David snaps. “You <em>know</em> what I’m talking about. Have you talked to them about <em>us</em>?” David’s not even sure why he’s phrasing it as a question at this point. He <em>knows</em> Patrick hasn’t talked to his parents yet. But—somehow he can’t bring himself to say it outright. He’s spent too much time waiting and wondering. He needs to hear Patrick admit it himself.</p>
<p>“Um…” Patrick trails off, shoving his hands deep into his pockets and looking down at the ground.</p>
<p>David’s hands are shaking, and that slice of pizza he snuck out of the box earlier isn’t sitting well in his stomach, so he sits down on the couch and tries some more of Twyla’s breathing exercises. This doesn’t quite feel like the start of a panic attack, though; he feels <em>angry</em>. He’s not even sure who he’s angry at, anymore—his dad, or Patrick, or himself. Maybe all three. Mostly, David’s worried that if he keeps talking, he might say something he’ll regret. And David really doesn’t want to do that. So he takes deep breaths, focuses on <em>not saying anything</em>, and waits for Patrick to continue.</p>
<p>“Okay, listen, David.” Patrick sits down on the other end of the couch. “I’ve been wanting to tell them about us, I really have, but—like I said before—I was waiting to do it in person. And then… I didn’t go home for the holidays, and then I was feeling so comfortable with you and your family…”</p>
<p>Patrick’s voice is all breathy and shaky in a way that David’s never really heard before, and it makes David feel less frustrated and more protective. “I remember what you said,” David says. “And I know you haven’t been home to see them yet. It’s just—it’s been a long time since we had that conversation.”</p>
<p>“David, I know my parents are good people. I just…” Patrick sounds even more distraught, now, and David rubs a hand on his back reassuringly. “I can’t shake this fear that there’s a small chance that this could change everything. That they might see me differently, or treat me differently… I’m going to deal with this as soon as I see them next, okay?”</p>
<p>David leans in and hugs Patrick. He’s still upset that Patrick didn’t deal with this sooner, and he’s sad that he’s lost the opportunity to be introduced to the Brewer family on terms that he and Patrick could agree on together. But seeing Patrick this upset—it’s easy to set aside those feelings and just be there for his boyfriend. David can deal with his own feelings later. Right now, Patrick needs him.</p>
<p>“Okay, what you’re dealing with is very personal, and it’s something that you should only do on your terms. Okay?” David pauses for a moment. The next thing he says comes out of his mouth before he even realizes he’s saying it. “That’s why I brought this couple home one day in college and just told my parents to deal with it.” For a moment, David worries if that was too much, but—fuck it, everything needs levity, sometimes. Even this.</p>
<p>“I’m a take charge guy, David, I like to take charge of things in my life. You know that.”</p>
<p>David bites his lip and tries not to smile, because—well, it’s a little funny, that Patrick thinks of himself as a <em>take charge guy</em>. Sure, Patrick can certainly take charge in <em>some</em> ways, but… well. They wouldn’t even be in this mess if Patrick was actually a <em>take charge guy</em> in every aspect of his life.</p>
<p>“You’re upset,” Patrick says. “I would be, too.”</p>
<p>David realizes Patrick must have misread the look on his face. “Yeah, ah, it’s not about that.” David knows it’s usually best to present bad news as if it’s not <em>actually</em> bad news, so he tries to make what comes next sound lighthearted. “You’re gonna laugh yourself right out of the closet on this one! You know how you’ve always wanted a surprise party?”</p>
<p>“David, I don’t think this is how surprise parties work.”</p>
<p>“It’s just that… my dad decided to add a surprise of his own, and invite your parents… here.”</p>
<p>“What?” Patrick asks weakly.</p>
<p>“I realize my dad made a <em>huge</em> mistake, believe me, I’m—I’m already planning on suspending his Rose Apothecary discount, and…” David realizes this is irrelevant. Patrick looks <em>scared,</em>, and rightfully so; he’s just learned that his parents are here, in Schitt’s Creek, and he’s been forced to face something he’s been avoiding for months. What Patrick needs is for David to fix this, and so David offers the only thing he can think of, even though it’s the last thing he wants. “I could be just your business partner tonight, if that—”
  
</p>
<p>“No, David, I can’t have you do that,” Patrick interrupts. David hopes Patrick can’t see his sigh of relief. He wasn’t actually sure he could make it through an evening of pretending he and Patrick weren’t together. “I owe it to us to tell them,” Patrick continues. “I want them to know. Hey, maybe this whole thing is a blessing in disguise, huh.”</p>
<p>David hopes Patrick is right.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>After a quick pit stop at Rose Apothecary to put together a gift basket, Stevie takes David to the motel to face the Brewers. He puts on a brave face, but deep down, he’s genuinely terrified, because he has absolutely no idea how they’ll react. Sure, Patrick says they’re good people, but David has met his fair share of <em>good people</em> whose goodness only extended so far.</p>
<p>But it turns out the Brewers are fine with Patrick being gay, and the worst part of the whole thing is just how awkward it is. There’s no time for David to relax, though, because he has to rush back to the cafe and finish setting up for the party. Then it’s time for the guests to rehearse how they’ll welcome Patrick, and they’re <em>terrible</em> at it, absolutely awful; they can’t even handle saying ‘Happy Birthday’ in unison.</p>
<p>Patrick arrives, and feigns surprise to the best of his ability, which is—also not great, not that David thinks he could’ve done much better, in Patrick’s shoes. Not that David would ever be in Patrick’s shoes, metaphorically or literally; surprise parties and mountaineering shoes are <em>not</em> for him.</p>
<p>Then Patrick is sliding into a booth across from his parents, and it’s like time has stopped; David knows he shouldn’t stare, but he can’t look away. He can’t <em>not</em> witness this moment. And even though he knows how it will turn out, he still feels such a sense of relief when he sees the Brewer family smiling and laughing with one another.</p>
<p>Then Patrick glances up, and David quickly has to look away; it’s only then that he realizes his entire family has been watching the whole time, too.</p>
<p>“Um, maybe you don’t all realize this, but it’s rude to stare? And Patrick might want—you know—a moment alone with <em>his</em> family. God knows he’s had enough of my family to last a lifetime.”</p>
<p>“We’re just happy for him, son,” Johnny says. “And you! We’re happy for both of you.”</p>
<p>“So it’s rude if <em>we</em> stare but not if <em>you</em> do?” Stevie asks. David glares at her.</p>
<p>David risks another glance over at the Brewers, and this time, Patrick catches his eye and waves him over. David really doesn’t want to intrude, but if Patrick wants him there, he can’t exactly stay away.</p>
<p>“Hi.” David comes to a stop at the end of the booth and gives a small wave. He has no idea why he waved, and it probably looked ridiculous, but he doesn’t know what to do with his hands.</p>
<p>“David, join us.” Patrick slides towards the wall and pats the empty space next to him. “I want to introduce you to my parents. I mean—I guess you’ve technically met them already, while setting up the party, but—I want to introduce you properly.”</p>
<p>David takes a seat next to Patrick. He feels hyper-aware of his proximity to Patrick in a way he’s not accustomed to; normally David might put an arm around Patrick or give him a quick kiss without a second thought, but right now, he’s not sure what Patrick’s comfortable with.</p>
<p>Patrick reaches out and grips David’s hand tightly.</p>
<p>“Mom, Dad, this is David. David, these are my parents.”</p>
<p>“It’s nice to meet you,” David says politely, as if he hasn’t already met them twice today; first at the motel, then at the cafe before Patrick arrived.</p>
<p>“We’re so glad to finally meet you,” Marcy says, “especially now that we know Patrick’s—well, now that we know how important you are to Patrick. And—and we want to go see the store, tomorrow morning, although I don’t know how much time we’ll have, because we have to be back tomorrow evening, we’re supposed to feed Stacy’s cats—”</p>
<p>“Hi! Would anyone like a crab cake?” Twyla smiles cheerily and gestures at the tray she’s holding.</p>
<p>“Oh, no thank you,” Clint says. “Marcy?”</p>
<p>“I’m good.”</p>
<p>Patrick just shakes his head.</p>
<p>“I’ll take one!” David knows how much those things cost. He’s practically obligated to eat at least one.</p>
<p>“Let me know how it is! We’re trying out a new recipe.”</p>
<p>David regrets his choice as soon as he bites into the crab cake. Not because it’s bad—it’s actually pretty good, by cafe standards—but because everyone is watching him eat. Patrick, Twyla, and the Brewers; all watching him with eager anticipation, as if his review of the crab cake is the highlight of the evening.</p>
<p>“It’s good,” David manages, nodding vigorously. “Thank you, Twyla!”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome!” Twyla hovers for just a moment longer than seems polite before finally moving along to the next table.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Brewer,” David says, “how are you liking the moisturizer? I meant to call you and follow up after you ordered it, but it slipped my mind.”</p>
<p>“That’s so kind of you! It’s perfect. I usually have such dry skin, especially in the winter, and it really helps! It’s much better than the stuff I was buying at Shoppers.”</p>
<p>“And Mr. Brewer,” David says, before realizing that he has never spoken to Patrick’s father and knows nothing about him. “How, um… how are you? Did you—did Patrick tell you about his baseball game the other day?”</p>
<p>Mr. Brewer looks at Patrick in surprise. “You didn’t tell us you were playing baseball again.”</p>
<p>And just like that, all three Brewers are caught up in an animated and mostly incomprehensible conversation about baseball. Patrick is just about to get to the good part and describe how David won the game for them when they’re interrupted again.</p>
<p>“Hello, hello! Glad to see everyone’s having a good time.” Johnny rubs his hands together and smiles a little too widely. “Just wanted to stop by and wish you a happy birthday, Patrick; I’m sure you’re happy to be spending it with your parents, because, well, what’s better at a surprise party than an extra <em>surprise</em>—”</p>
<p>“Yes, Dad,” David says icily, “everything is just fine here.”</p>
<p>“I’m just saying,” Johnny insists, “everything really turned out well, you know? And you did such a good job of planning everything, son, very well done—”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Marcy pipes up, “this is an excellent party, David.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” David turns and glares at his dad, hoping maybe that will get him to leave, but it doesn’t work.</p>
<p>“And how’s—how’s your stay at the motel? Is everything, uh, up to your standards? No surprises?” Johnny laughs. “You know, surprises might be good in the party business, but they’re <em>bad</em> in the motel business, unless, of course—”</p>
<p>“Oh <em>there</em> you are!” Moira exclaims, rushing to Johnny’s side and putting a sequined arm around his back. “Come with me, dear, I need help selecting the least offensive libation in Twyla’s cellarette.”</p>
<p>Moira grasps Johnny’s arm and begins pulling him towards the back of the room. Johnny glances back and forth between Moira and the Brewers, clearly torn.</p>
<p>“Go ahead,” Marcy says kindly. “It’s been so nice chatting with you.”</p>
<p>“Yes, very nice, well, I’ll follow up later about the motel—” The end of Johnny’s sentence is cut off as Moira gently but firmly escorts him away from the table. David watches as they walk away. He’s grateful to his mom for rescuing them from his dad’s misguided attempt to—apologize? Was any of that supposed to be an apology? But he doesn’t like being indebted to his mother. She often collects those debts at the most inconvenient time possible.</p>
<p>“David, I was wondering…” David startles and turns his attention back to Clint. “Can you tell me about your shirt?”</p>
<p>“My...shirt?”</p>
<p>“Yes, it’s—very striking, where did you get it?”</p>
<p>David isn’t sure what kind of answer Clint is looking for. Does he seriously expect David to name a store he’s heard of before? Does he want to buy something <em>similar</em>?</p>
<p>“It’s—I bought it online. Um. It’s Givenchy.”</p>
<p>“I’ve never heard of that before,” Marcy says with interest. “Is it a type of fabric?”</p>
<p>“Mom,” Patrick says, and there’s more than a hint of exasperation in his voice. “It’s—Givenchy is the designer.”</p>
<p>What follows is quite possibly the strangest conversation David has ever had about clothes—listening to Patrick explain designer fashion to his parents, and chiming in every now and then when there’s something Patrick doesn’t know. Patrick… knows a lot. More than David thought he did.</p>
<p>Eventually, the Brewers insist that Patrick should go spend time with his friends, so David and Patrick both get up and mill about the party; together at first, but then they’re separated when Stevie makes David come open a bottle of champagne for her. David knows she’s perfectly capable of doing it on her own—he’s <em>seen</em> her do it before—but she knows David doesn’t like the loud <em>pop</em>, so she always makes him do it, because she’s terrible like that.</p>
<p>By the time David finds Patrick again, things are winding down. Everyone says their good-byes, and soon, it’s just David and Patrick left.</p>
<p>It turns out Patrick knows his parents had already found out about David, but it’s all okay; Patrick’s not upset. In fact, Patrick seems downright happy with how things turned out, which makes David feel quite smug about how well he handled things. It seems like Patrick was right with what he said earlier—this <em>was</em> a blessing in disguise.</p>
<p>Everything’s not completely fixed, of course; David is still upset that Patrick put off coming out so long—maybe even moreso, now that he’s met the Brewers and seen for himself that they’re fine with Patrick being gay. But as they slow dance to <em>Brighter Than Sunshine</em>, it’s easy for David to let go of those frustrations and simply be secure in the knowledge that, at least for now, he’s made everything okay. They’ve both been through a lot today, and Patrick seems to be at peace with how things turned out—they can talk things through later, when they’ve both had a chance to relax a bit.</p>
<p>David wraps his arms more tightly around Patrick, and he hopes Twyla doesn’t kick them out <em>too</em> soon.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well... here's chapter 6. Just one more to go after this!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, Patrick and his parents go out to brunch in Elmdale. Patrick tries to get David to come with them, saying that it’s fine if they open the store a little bit late, but David insists on staying behind to watch the store. He has a feeling Patrick needs some time alone with his parents. </p>
<p>Opening the store by himself feels weird and lonely. David’s used to being at the store alone in the late afternoon and evening—David arrives late, and Patrick leaves early; that’s the routine they’ve worked out. But his mornings are usually spent working his way through a caramel macchiato as Patrick gently teases him about how grumpy he is when he’s still waking up, and David misses that. After everything that happened yesterday, he’s still feeling a little emotional, a little tender, and—maybe a little needy. Just a little bit. So when Patrick returns around noon, David is especially pleased to see him. </p>
<p>“How was brunch?” David greets Patrick with a kiss on the cheek, and Patrick responds with a grunt as he rushes past David to go put a box of leftovers in the fridge they keep in the back room. “Excited about those leftovers?” David shouts after him. He hears the fridge door slam shut, and then Patrick emerges from the back room, a sour look on his face. </p>
<p>“It was fine,” he says. “Brunch was—it was fine. How’s the store?”</p>
<p>“It’s… fine,” David says carefully, because everything about Patrick’s voice and body language right now is shouting <em>it’s not fine, nothing is fine</em>. David follows Patrick behind the counter, and smooths a hand up his back, coming to rest between his shoulder blades. When Patrick doesn’t respond, David moves his hand higher, trying to rub some of the tension out of Patrick’s shoulders. It doesn’t help.</p>
<p>“Are you sure everything’s fine? Because you seem tense.”</p>
<p>“It’s fine,” Patrick says through gritted teeth.</p>
<p>“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” David says quickly, “but—”</p>
<p>“I said it’s <em>fine</em>,” Patrick repeats with more vehemence, and it makes David believe him even less.</p>
<p>“Well then.” David takes his hand off Patrick’s back and steps away. “I’ll be in the back room, and when you decide to tell me what’s going on, you can come and get me, okay?” </p>
<p>David tries not to think about it as he putters about in the stock room. Sure, he was feeling a little raw today, and he was looking forward to spending time with Patrick. Yesterday wasn’t bad, exactly, but it was a lot, and David was hoping for a chance to smooth things over and have a nice, relaxing day. He’d hoped for a chance to hold Patrick close, just for a moment, and talk about little unimportant things, and maybe tease and be teased in return. But now Patrick’s upset, and that’s okay, too; he’ll come talk to David when he’s ready. David trusts him. He just needs to be patient. </p>
<p>At least, that’s what he tells himself to try to keep his patience from wearing thin.</p>
<p>David hears Patrick shuffling into the stock room just a few minutes later.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Patrick begins, “I—”</p>
<p>“Don’t apologize,” David snaps. “Just tell me what the fuck—” He cuts himself off, takes a deep breath, and forces himself to speak more calmly. “Just tell me what’s wrong, okay?”</p>
<p>“It’s nothing,” Patrick says quickly. “My parents were being—they were annoying me. That’s all. They were asking lots of questions, and—well, my dad was asking questions. My mom was trying to get him not to, but she kept saying things that weren’t… she was being difficult. They were both just… being difficult.” </p>
<p>“Okay…” David says. “That makes sense.”</p>
<p>Patrick lets out a sigh. “Thank you, David. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”</p>
<p>“Mm,” David says, and he goes back to moving items around on the shelves. He tries to rearrange the scented candles three times before he realizes he’s just putting them back in the exact same place each time. He thinks about what Patrick said, about his parents being annoying, and asking too many questions, and—and it <em>doesn’t</em> make sense. It doesn't, but David wants it to; he wants to understand. But he also doesn’t want Patrick to be upset, and if he asks Patrick more questions, Patrick will <em>definitely</em> be upset. But—David realizes, as he continues not-rearranging the candles—he wants to understand more than he wants to avoid upsetting Patrick. Because in the long run, he thinks that’s what Patrick needs. It’s what they both need. </p>
<p>So he asks. </p>
<p>“Actually—” David says, turning back to face Patrick. “That doesn’t make sense. Nothing you just said makes any sense. Can you explain what actually happened?”</p>
<p>Patrick blinks in surprise. “It—I told you. My parents were being difficult.”</p>
<p>“I don’t <em>know</em> your parents. You’ll need to give me more information here. You said they were asking you lots of questions?” Patrick nods. “So...what did they ask about?”</p>
<p>“They asked about—you.”</p>
<p>David gestures for Patrick to keep going.</p>
<p>“And about… the store. And Cabaret.”</p>
<p>David just raises his eyebrows.</p>
<p>“They asked—how long,” Patrick says haltingly. “How long we’ve been—dating. And when I told them, they were—surprised.”</p>
<p>Patrick stops, and this time, David’s pretty sure he’ll have to actually say something to get Patrick to keep talking. “Well, it has been a while,” he says.</p>
<p>“I haven’t seen them since I moved to Schitt’s Creek! I can’t tell them—I mean, a lot has happened. I can’t keep them up to date on <em>everything</em>.”</p>
<p>David has been trying not to think about his own parents too much since Patrick’s birthday party, because he’s still <em>very</em> upset about what his dad did, and he hasn’t had a chance to properly deal with it yet. But even still—what Patrick says makes him think about his own parents and his own life, back back before they lost all their money. David thinks about how infrequently they all talked to each other back then, and how little they knew about each other's lives. He thinks about how his parents’ biggest involvement in his life was to secretly pay off his gallery patrons. He wonders if it would be different now, if they lived apart instead of sharing a motel room wall. Would they be able to keep in touch? He’s not sure what it would be like. He hopes—no, he <em>knows</em>—it would be different than it was before. Better, even.</p>
<p>He thinks they’d do better than Patrick and his parents seem to have done, at least.</p>
<p>“So they wanted to know about your life,” David says. “What you’ve been up to. Isn’t that… normal?” </p>
<p>“Yes, of course it’s normal,” Patrick says dismissively. “But it’s—they’re just <em>prying</em>. It’s like they can’t let me lead my own life. I just want to be <em>me</em>. Without having to explain it. You know?” </p>
<p>David doesn’t know. He’s never had to explain who he is, not really, because he’s never been able to hide who he is, even when he tried. </p>
<p>“It’s not a big deal,” Patrick continues. “It’s—it’s <em>not</em>. Maybe this is—maybe it’s for the best, that I have some distance from them now. They’re going home now, and I don’t have to deal with them anymore, and—and everything will be fine.”</p>
<p>David can’t help but think about his own parents again. He thinks about how he might have felt a few years ago, if his parents had found a way to leave Schitt’s Creek. He would’ve been angry that he couldn’t leave with them, but—he might have also been happy to see them go. But now? He’s not sure how he’d feel, if they left.</p>
<p>“I mean—if your relationship with your parents isn’t good, you’re not obligated to see them,” David says carefully. “But you seemed happy to see them, yesterday, and—like I said, I don’t know them, but they seemed… nice? It seems like they love you a lot.”</p>
<p>“They just—they can’t stop asking <em>questions</em>, like I owe them answers, but I don’t owe them <em>anything</em>.” Patrick’s voice is shaking, and he looks like he’s about to start crying, which is scaring David, because David’s never actually seen Patrick cry. Not even when they watched ‘Up,’ and David thought <em>everyone</em> cried at ‘Up.’ </p>
<p>“You’re right, you don’t owe them anything. But maybe you owe it to yourself? To try talking to them?”</p>
<p>“But I shouldn’t <em>have</em> to! I shouldn’t have to, to <em>explain</em>, why I’m—why—”</p>
<p>Patrick’s eyes are red, and he’s <em>definitely</em> about to start crying, so of course that’s when David hears the bell on the front door ring.</p>
<p>“Fuck,” David mutters. “I’ll be right back.” He runs past Patrick, and ushers the bewildered customer directly back out the front door, apologizing profusely for forgetting to flip the sign to <em>closed</em> while they did important emergency inventory work. </p>
<p>When he gets back, Patrick is sitting on the floor; they finally removed the couch from the stockroom just last week, which David is really regretting right now. Patrick’s head is hanging between his knees, and he’s shaking slightly. </p>
<p>David sits down next to Patrick, tries not to think about what the dirty, dusty floor is going to do to his Rick Owens jeans, and puts an arm around him.</p>
<p>“I feel ridiculous.” Patrick doesn’t lift his head up, so David can’t see his face, but he hears him sniffle a bit. “I shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t feel this upset.”</p>
<p>“Mmkay, telling yourself not to feel your feelings doesn’t actually work; believe me, I’ve tried.” That gets a small, wet laugh out of Patrick, so David continues. “How about you tell me more about what you’re feeling, and why, so I can validate your feelings. I’m pretty good at validating feelings, no matter what Alexis says.”</p>
<p>“It’s just—I thought that once I came out to my parents, it would be done, you know? But it’s not. They want me to—to <em>explain</em> it, but there’s nothing to explain. I’m just <em>gay</em>. It’s not even—it doesn’t matter that I’m gay. I shouldn’t have to tell anyone. Not—not because it’s a secret, or I’m ashamed, because—I’m definitely not. I want—” Patrick finally lifts his head up, and he’s a complete mess, all red and blotchy. It’s kind of gross, because crying is always gross, but David’s first impulse is still to kiss him. He wants to kiss away Patrick’s frown, and all the red splotches, and the anxious wrinkle between his eyebrows. But as much as David wants to kiss Patrick, he wants to hear what Patrick has to say even more. So he resists the urge to kiss him, and he listens, instead. </p>
<p>“I want everyone to know about you. About us,” Patrick says with conviction. “I don’t want to hide that. I’m—I’m really proud of what we’ve built together, David. Not just the store, but—our relationship.” Patrick is still a bit of a mess, but his eyes look clearer, now. “Talking about you is easy. It’s everything else that’s hard.” </p>
<p>“I love you,” David says. He’s more comfortable saying it now, but the words still feel a bit strange coming out of his mouth unprompted—usually, it’s Patrick who says it first, and David who responds. </p>
<p>“I love you, too,” Patrick replies, his voice cracking a bit on the <em>too</em>. “So much.”</p>
<p>David wraps his arms around Patrick, and he holds him close as Patrick lets himself cry. As far as David’s concerned, it’s probably long overdue. Nothing helps to get all your horrible, miserable feelings out quite as well as a good, long, messy cry. And Patrick—well. David has learned that Patrick isn’t usually one for letting his feelings out. </p>
<p>When David’s absolutely certain that Patrick is done, he carefully extricates himself from Patrick, wincing a bit at how much his <em>everything</em> hurts. He’s getting to be too old to sit on the floor like this. Patrick seems reluctant to let David go, and tries to keep his face buried in David’s chest, but David gently pushes him back and tilts his head up with a hand under his chin.</p>
<p>“You doing okay?” David asks gently.</p>
<p>Patrick laughs and shakes his head. “Do I look okay?”</p>
<p>“You look beautiful.” David <em>shushes</em> Patrick’s attempted response with a finger on his lips. “But I do need an actual answer. Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“No,” Patrick says. “But—I will be, I think.”</p>
<p>“Good,” David replies, and Patrick looks surprised. “I mean—it’s not good that you’re not okay. But it’s good that you’ll admit it.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Patrick’s staring off into space, and it looks like he’s deep in thought. “Yeah, it—it’s good. To say it.”</p>
<p>David rearranges his legs, still hoping that he won’t be in too much pain later, and smooths a hand down Patrick’s back. “You know I’m going to make you talk about this some more, right?”</p>
<p>Patrick smiles wryly. “Yeah, I got that impression.”</p>
<p>“Mmkay. Just so long as we’re on the same page.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. We’re on the same page.”</p>
<p>“We should probably stand up soon,” David says. </p>
<p>“I know,” Patrick replies. “Can we just—stay here a little while longer, first? I don’t think I’m ready to…” Patrick trails off.</p>
<p>“Of course,” David says.</p>
<p>After what happened with Patrick’s surprise party, David expected they’d have a conversation like this very soon. But he didn’t expect it quite <em>this</em> soon. Still, he’s glad it happened, and—honestly, he’s kind of relieved. David had anticipated that he’d need to push Patrick a bit more to get him to open up, but maybe—just maybe—that won’t be necessary. Maybe Patrick’s finally ready to open up on his own.</p>
<p>With a little bit of encouragement from David still, of course. David’s not going to let this go. Not anymore.</p>
<p>They stay sitting there on the floor a long time, until David’s legs fall asleep, and David’s sure Patrick must be uncomfortable, too. They only get up once they absolutely have to, because Roland’s banging on the door and won’t take their shouts of ‘we’re closed!’ for an answer. Getting back to work is a good distraction, but David knows they’ll need to talk more when they’re done for the day. </p>
<p>Right now, though, it’s nice to fall back into their normal routine. There’s still some tension, but not in a bad way; it’s more they each have a heightened awareness of the other’s presence. David keeps glancing over at Patrick while they’re working, wordlessly checking in with a small smile or a quirk of his eyebrow as if to say, <em>how are you holding up?</em> And with each glance, Patrick looks a little more settled, a little bit happier. </p>
<p>He’s touching Patrick more than usual, too, which is saying a lot; David knows he has a problem keeping his hands off Patrick—not in an inappropriate way, of course; he just—he likes touching his boyfriend, is all. And with the way Patrick keeps leaning into David’s touches, it seems like Patrick needs to be touched, today. So really, David’s just doing Patrick a favor.</p>
<p>By the time they start closing up, they’re practically glued to each other’s sides. They don’t speak, but it’s a comfortable silence, and having Patrick so close by is comforting and reassuring. It helps David remember that even though they have some more tough conversations ahead, they’ll be able to get through it, together.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HERE IT IS! The final chapter. Apparently I <em>am</em> capable of finishing things -- who knew!! (Certainly not me.)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 7</p>
<p>After Patrick’s breakdown, they start talking more. It doesn’t always go perfectly. Patrick’s still reluctant to open up, and David’s still trying to find the right balance between being supportive and being pushy. It’s exhausting, but it’s exhausting in a good way, like a good workout; where you feel sore and tired afterwards, and it somehow ends up giving you <em>more</em> energy. At least, that’s how Patrick says he feels after working out or hiking. David just takes his word for it.</p>
<p>Patrick starts to open up more about his relationship with Rachel—not just the bad parts, but the good parts, too; they were together for a long time, and it sounds to David like they worked well together, aside from the whole ‘Patrick being gay’ thing. Patrick talks about the handful of other women he dated, too, and how he feels like he should have noticed that something wasn’t right. </p>
<p>“It’s just—nothing was ever <em>wrong</em>, you know? So I never thought to wonder if—” Patrick has to stop for a moment and bury his face in his hands. David hasn’t seen him cry again since that one day at the store. He thinks maybe Patrick has some hangups about that. But—he’ll let Patrick talk about that in his own time. </p>
<p>They have plenty of time.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“I called my parents last night,” Patrick says a few days after his surprise party.</p>
<p>“Oh?” David’s curled up on the couch reading <em>My Werewolf Professor</em>—after he’d finished making fun of Stevie for reading it, he’d asked to borrow it, and it was surprisingly entertaining. Normally, he might be a little irritated that Patrick interrupted him in the middle of reading, but this seems important. “What—um—how are they doing?” </p>
<p>“They’re good,” Patrick replies. He’s sitting across from David, his feet propped up on his tiny old coffee table, and his laptop balanced on his lap. David’s not really sure what he’s working on. Something with spreadsheets? Or maybe he’s on Facebook? Patrick’s social media use confounds David. He doesn’t even have an Instagram. “They got a flat tire,” Patrick adds, almost as an afterthought, but David can tell it’s actually quite deliberate.</p>
<p>David stares at Patrick, waiting for some more information—maybe something like <em>I apologized</em> or <em>they apologized</em> or <em>something</em>, but Patrick just stares back.</p>
<p>“Hm? That’s… not good,” David manages.</p>
<p>“Yeah, on the drive home from—from my birthday party,” Patrick continues, closing his laptop and turning his attention entirely to David. “They think they hit a nail. My dad tried to put the spare on, but he couldn’t get it right, so my mom ended up doing it. Apparently it was quite an ordeal.”</p>
<p>“Mm,” David says, nodding vigorously. “That sounds inconvenient.”</p>
<p>They stare at each other for one more brief but awkward moment, then Patrick opens his laptop back up, and David returns to his book. Eventually, David finishes the chapter he’s on, Patrick closes his laptop up for the night, and they both get ready for bed.</p>
<p>“They said they want to visit again,” Patrick says when they’re getting in bed, as if the conversation about Patrick’s parents ended just a minute ago and not over an hour ago. “They’d like to come see Cabaret.”</p>
<p>David asks the next question very carefully.</p>
<p>“Do you… <em>want</em> them to come?”</p>
<p>“Sure—they came to all my shows in high school,” Patrick says.</p>
<p>David doesn’t know exactly how many shows Patrick was in in high school, but he remembers Patrick mentioned that he was in drama, so David’s guessing it was a lot. But somehow, he doubts Patrick’s high school ever put on a production of Cabaret. </p>
<p>“Okay, and how did you feel about <em>that</em>?”</p>
<p>Patrick gives David a look that says <em>I know what you’re doing</em>, but David doesn’t care if he’s being transparent in his efforts to get Patrick to talk.</p>
<p>“I mean, no teenager is excited about their parents coming to see them perform, but it was fine.” Patrick shrugs. </p>
<p>“Hm.” David hopes he’s sounding encouraging. “And how do you feel about it now as a 32-year-old?” </p>
<p>“It’s fine,” Patrick says too quickly.</p>
<p>David thinks about the role Patrick is playing in Cabaret. He thinks about Patrick’s costume, which he just got fitted for yesterday, and the shy selfie David got Patrick to send him after a lot of encouragement and many reassurances. </p>
<p>“Are you sure?”</p>
<p>Patrick sighs and rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “Yeah, it’s—it’s weird, I’m actually more nervous about this than I ever was in high school?”</p>
<p>David doesn’t think that’s weird at all, but he knows better than to say that out loud.</p>
<p>“But not because—it’s not for the reasons you’d think. It’s not because of how gay, or—how queer, it is, or because of the costumes. I’m—this is gonna sound ridiculous.” </p>
<p>“Your ability to avoid saying things is truly impressive,” David blurts, and then quickly covers his mouth with his hand to keep any more unintended words from spilling out.</p>
<p>Thankfully, Patrick just laughs. “Okay, you’re right. It’s because I’m worried they’ll judge my performance.”</p>
<p>“What?” That’s not what David expected to hear at all. The Brewers do not strike David as the kind of family that would be overly critical of their son’s performance in a community theater production of <em>Cabaret</em>. Quite the opposite, in fact. </p>
<p>“Yeah. In high school, I was always cast as, like—the straight man? Not <em>straight</em>,” Patrick clarifies, “but—you know. The normal guy. The leading guy, or maybe his sidekick.”</p>
<p>“Mmhm.”</p>
<p>“And I always felt pretty comfortable playing that role. Or I thought that I did. No—I really did. It felt right. Playing the emcee… doesn’t feel right. Not that it feels <em>wrong</em>! It’s just…”</p>
<p>David waits as long as he can stand it, in case Patrick finds the words he’s looking for, but eventually he has to say something. “It’s acting,” David says. “You’re playing a role. It’s not supposed to feel like it’s <em>you</em>.”</p>
<p>“Of course. But in high school, I never actually had to <em>try</em>, you know? It was never difficult. But this time, I have to <em>try</em>.”</p>
<p>“You like a challenge,” David points out.</p>
<p>“True. But I never realized—I guess I never realized I wasn’t being challenged, before. I didn’t know it <em>could</em> be challenging like this.”</p>
<p>“So that’s… a good thing, right?”</p>
<p>Patrick sighs. “I’m still frustrated, though, because—” he pauses. “Hold on. I’m trying. This is really hard, you know.”</p>
<p>“I know.” David reaches out and squeezes Patrick’s arm. “You’re doing great, honey.”</p>
<p>“So. I’m upset because—I’m gay. And all the roles I played in high school were straight, and that was easy. And now I’m playing the emcee, a character who’s—I don’t even know what the fuck he is. But he’s really queer, and I—I can’t figure it out. But it shouldn’t be this hard.”</p>
<p>“Because you’re gay.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I should—I should get it. Right? What am I not getting?”</p>
<p>“Being gay doesn’t mean you have to feel comfortable dancing around on stage in a harness and garters,” David says. “<em>I</em> certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that.”</p>
<p>“That’s fair,” Patrick laughs. “But—it’s still frustrating.”</p>
<p>“That’s fair, too.”</p>
<p>They snuggle up together, and they’re almost asleep when Patrick adds one more thing.</p>
<p>“I just feel like there’s something I’m not getting, you know?”</p>
<p>“You’ll get it,” David murmurs. “And if not, well—you’ve still got me.”</p>
<p>“I do,” Patrick agrees.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Patrick has to miss the queer bowling night again because of Cabaret rehearsals, but David convinces him to at least go out to lunch with Sayana while David looks after the store. (It doesn’t take much convincing—David has a feeling Sayana has been bugging Patrick about it, too.)</p>
<p>David’s beginning to realize that part of the problem with Patrick talking about his feelings is that Patrick does not always know what his feelings are. Which is why sometimes the process of getting Patrick to open up is like pulling teeth—which reminds David, they really need to talk about when Patrick’s going to get his wisdom teeth pulled.</p>
<p>But occasionally, Patrick has a breakthrough. And David can tell from the look on Patrick’s face when he returns from lunch with Sayana that he’s had one today. David knows it might still take a bit of gentle prodding to get him to talk about it, though. </p>
<p>“How was lunch?” David asks.</p>
<p>“Good,” Patrick replies. “How was the store while I was gone?”</p>
<p>“Busy, but as you can see, we’re not busy right now, so I really would like to hear about lunch.”</p>
<p>“I had a sandwich,” Patrick says. “Sayana had soup. It was delightful.”</p>
<p>David drums his fingers on the counter expectantly, and Patrick rests his hand on top of David’s to stop him.</p>
<p>“I know, I know,” Patrick mutters. He strokes David’s hand, playing with his rings, and when he’s ready, he goes on. “Do you know what compulsory heterosexuality is?”</p>
<p>David raises his eyebrows. “I’m familiar with the concept.” He turns his hand palm up so he can grip Patrick’s hand reassuringly. </p>
<p>“Well, I wasn’t. I… um. It never occurred to me that maybe it’s not—my fault?” Patrick winces. “That’s not what I mean. But it’s—well, it’s embarrassing. That it took me this long to figure out something so obvious. And it’s not like I didn’t have the opportunity, you know? It’s not like anyone ever sat me down and told me I <em>couldn’t</em> be gay. So I didn’t understand why I wouldn’t just <em>know</em>. And I never thought that maybe there was an explanation for why I didn’t know, aside from my own… cluelessness, I guess? Like, it’s not just a personal failing, or something like that.” </p>
<p>“Oh, honey,” David says, and wraps his arms around Patrick.</p>
<p>“I know,” Patrick says with a laugh, returning David’s hug and only pulling away after he’s kissed David on the cheek. “I’m okay, really. It’s almost like a weight off my shoulders, you know? To think about it in those terms. As something that’s bigger than me.” </p>
<p>David brushes his hands over Patrick’s shoulders. “Well, I’m happy for your shoulders, then.”</p>
<p>Patrick laughs, and they kiss a bit more.</p>
<p>“So, what else did Sayana have to say?” David asks.</p>
<p>They keep chatting while Patrick does some bookkeeping and David tidies up the store. It turns out Sayana had a <em>lot</em> to say—about intersectionality, and lesbian erasure, and radical feminism, which leads to Patrick suggesting that David shouldn’t wear his ‘Radical Feminist’ shirt anymore. </p>
<p>“But I <em>like</em> that shirt,” David says. “It’s Acne Studios.”</p>
<p>“I thought you didn’t like acne,” Patrick says, coming out from behind the counter and joining David to help rearrange their skin care products. “That’s why we have all of these, right?”</p>
<p>“That’s not the same thing,” David says.</p>
<p>“And I <em>know</em> you don’t like transphobes,” Patrick says, leaning into David’s space. And then he’s got his arms around David, and then they’re kissing, and it’s really not fair, how Patrick can get his way with just a kiss.</p>
<p>“I’ll—I’ll put it in the back of the closet,” David concedes, and then they go back to kissing.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>A few days later, as Patrick drives them past the church on the outskirts of Schitt’s Creek, David asks the question he’s been thinking about since they first drove past the church earlier that evening, on their drive into Elmdale for pizza night.</p>
<p>“Have you ever been there?”</p>
<p>“Been where?”</p>
<p>“That church,” David says.</p>
<p>“Um. No? I don’t really have any reason to.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I just—you mentioned that your parents are, well, they go to—or they did, when you were a kid…” David trails off. Patrick has mentioned going to church when he was a kid, right? Something about getting in trouble for singing louder than all the other kids in Sunday school.</p>
<p>“Sure, we went on Christmas and Easter, and I guess we went more often when I was really young, but I pretty much stopped going by the time I was a teenager.” Patrick drums his fingers on the steering wheel. “I was baptized, as a baby, I guess? But it was never a big deal, really.”</p>
<p>“Do your parents still go? To church?”</p>
<p>“I think so,” Patrick says, “although they started going to a different church a couple years ago? There was some drama with the pastor at our old church. Not—not like... nothing <em>bad</em>.” Patrick winces. “Just, you know. Standard church drama.” </p>
<p>David, of course, has no idea what <em>standard church drama</em> entails, but he thinks he can imagine.</p>
<p>“Do you ever think about going back?”</p>
<p>“What is this about, David? Are you trying to convert me, or something?”</p>
<p>“Oh, god no, that’s—that’s definitely not a thing,” David says, cringing. “I’m just curious. I want to know if it’s important to you. Or to your family. Like, would you want to—” <em>get married in a church</em>, David doesn’t say, because <em>why</em> would he ask Patrick about that; that’s not something they talk about, that’s—it’s terrifying to even <em>think</em> about. Patrick was engaged, once before; Patrick’s almost <em>been</em> married, before, and the only reason they’re here right now, in Patrick’s old heap of a car, is because Patrick chose a different path. </p>
<p>“Never mind,” David says. “It’s not a big deal.”</p>
<p>Patrick drives the rest of the way home in silence. When he parks, David starts to get out of the car, but Patrick stops him. “Wait,” he says, turning to David and putting an arm on David’s shoulder. “I’ve—I have thought about it, you know.”</p>
<p>“You’ve thought about…?”</p>
<p>“Whether it was, you know, going to church, or—being raised that way, I guess; it’s not like I’m religious now. I certainly don’t think of myself that way. But—I’ve asked myself if that’s why.”</p>
<p>David raises his eyebrows expectantly. He knows what Patrick’s getting at, but he still wants him to say it. He hopes Patrick can say it.</p>
<p>“Why I… didn’t realize. That I was gay. That I <em>am</em> gay. But it’s not that simple, you know?” Patrick sighs and leans back in his seat. “There’s no big tragic story. It’s not like someone sat me down at church when I was a kid and told me it was wrong to be gay. I didn’t hate going to church. I didn’t love it, either, it was just—a thing I did. It was kind of fun when I was a kid, and then it stopped being fun when I got older, so I stopped going. I never really thought about it.” Patrick glances over at David. “Story of my life, I guess—<em>I never really thought about it</em>.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” David breathes. What Patrick’s saying makes sense. It makes a lot of sense, actually, now that David thinks about it; it fits in with everything else David knows about Patrick. How he spent so much time living his life the way the people around him expected him to, that he stopped being able to tell those expectations apart from what he actually wanted. </p>
<p>“When—when I was engaged to Rachel, she kind of wanted to get married in a church. Not at my church; her family went to a different church, but she wanted to get married there. And I didn’t—um—I didn’t want that. I didn’t realize it at the time. I just assumed, you know, that I’d get married at a church; lots of people do, it seemed like a reasonable thing to do. But I know now, that I don’t want that.”</p>
<p>David has so many questions that he can’t even begin to ask—<em>what part don’t you want? The church, or the wedding?</em>, and <em>where would you want to get married, if not in a church?</em>, and <em>why are we talking about marriage right now?</em></p>
<p>But—Patrick’s sharing so much of himself right now. He’s being so open, and so brave, and the least David can do is offer the same in return. </p>
<p>“I didn’t think—” David looks away. He can’t look into Patrick’s wide, earnest eyes while he says this; he’ll fall apart before he manages to get the words out. “I used to think I’d never get married. I mean—I never even thought about it. You know what my dating history is like. I assumed it wasn’t for me, the same way I assumed that relationships longer than four months weren’t for me. But now I think—” David squeezes his eyes shut. “I want that,” he manages. “It could—that could be right. For me.”</p>
<p>He opens his eyes just slightly, and peeks over at Patrick, who is smiling at David with such fondness that David can’t help but smile back.</p>
<p>“But not at Schitt’s Creek Congregational,” Patrick says.</p>
<p>“I cannot imagine a more incorrect wedding venue. Except maybe city hall.” David shudders. “Wait—is that the <em>actual</em> name of the church?”</p>
<p>“David, the name is on the sign. We drive past it at least once a week.”</p>
<p>“Okay, but I don’t <em>read</em> the sign.”</p>
<p>“In that case, it’s actually called St. Schitt’s United Methodist.”</p>
<p>“Mm-mm. Nope. We’re done here.”</p>
<p>“Schitt’s Chapel! First Schitt Presbyterian!” Patrick continues, laughing as they get out of the car.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>“I want to take you on a picnic,” Patrick says one day.</p>
<p>“A picnic?” David replies. “Like—eating lunch. Outside. On a blanket? On the ground?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, a picnic. I know a really nice place. You’ll—I think you’ll like it.”</p>
<p>“Okay…” David’s skeptical. “What prompted this?”</p>
<p>“You’ve been—lately, you’ve been really great. You’ve been patient with me while I… while I work through some stuff.”</p>
<p>“It’s not a big deal—”</p>
<p>“No, it is a big deal. I’ve been talking a <em>lot</em>, about some really hard stuff, and you’ve been encouraging me, and listening to me, and—you’ve been amazing, David, and I want you to know that I appreciate it.”</p>
<p>David’s face does five different things before he lets it settle into a smile. “Um. Thank you.”</p>
<p>“You’re welcome. And—this picnic is <em>my</em> way of saying thank you. I’ll bring cheese, and wine, and we can take a break from all the heavy stuff we’ve been talking about.”</p>
<p>“Mm. That does sound nice.”</p>
<p>“And how much of what sounds nice is the cheese?”</p>
<p>“This depends,” David says, “on exactly what cheese you’re bringing.”</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s a surprise,” Patrick teases. “Since you did so well with my surprise party, I thought, you know—I should return the favor with a surprise for you.”</p>
<p>“Mmkay, but I don’t actually <em>like</em> surprises all that much, usually.”</p>
<p>“Trust me,” Patrick says. “I think you’ll like this one.”</p>
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